Read on Twitter
Thread: Though I haven’t watched #IndianMatchMaking yet, the flood of tweets/insta posts brought back (not nice) memories from my late 20s when parents started to “look for an alliance”. Over 2 years they tried (I had agreed because of their pressure) and it was so bad I ended it
Rejections:
Since this was being done via online sites + local match making services and word of mouth etc, the plenty of reasons for rejecting me/our family made me so angry but also taught me so much about the nonsense deeply embedded in Indian match making
Since this was being done via online sites + local match making services and word of mouth etc, the plenty of reasons for rejecting me/our family made me so angry but also taught me so much about the nonsense deeply embedded in Indian match making
More than half alliances would drop off when they hear that my mother lost her husband (my Dad) when she was young and then she remarried. They gave uncool excuses..or just ghost us totally without closure
“Oh your son works in Sudan-aa? Any chances of him moving to YOU ESS? Or Aastrayliyaaa? Move pannaa sollungO!” So apparently working in Egypt/Sudan etc was not cool enough for their family pride
Many rejected me after hearing about my “non IT” “non managerial” field work. “oh we prefer someone in Manager level in YOUKAY YOUYESSU only”. “Oh sorry Iyer Iyengar mix not ok” and such nonsense excuses
Some parents sent me a checklist (!!) wirh very detailed questions about my vitals, salary details (“Kaindlee attachu salareee slippu scan”), property and loan details and so on. When I asked why they needed so much info even before a first phone call, they dropped off
In the rarest cases when the girls side agreed to meet us, I discovered they were in a big hurry to get the girl married & everyone was pushing. Once I met the girl outside to have a chat and we decided it won’t work. Her side called and yelled at my mom for this 
Just nonsense
Just nonsense
I am not even going to get into the rejections I faced due to gotram/some sub caste nonsense within UC and who is the spiritual guru/madam etc. Or maybe they were stupid excuses.
And at that time my brother was going through a divorce and the moment they heard it (I was clear I don’t want to hide it), 9 out of ten dropped off or ghosted us. All this left my parents feeling bad but it did help me to sign off this matchmaking nonsense forever!
It was obvious most of the girls side had a clear template in head about the caste, sub caste, gotra, no mixed, Top education, USA/UK/Europe/Aus employed, minimum ₹1 lakh take home and so on. I shunned this nonsense I moved on from it. Hypocrisy ki bhi...Sima Aunty hoti hain 
Oh I forgot to mention the HORROR of all - the Horoscope! Things would even go to step 2 only after extreme scrutiny of my horoscope. Many rejected me just because horoscope didn’t match. And then when horoscopes match, they ghosted when they heard about my mother/brother.
They: “KAINDLEE SEND yuvar son’s photograph in two or three angels” (they meant angles )
I send this and watch them all ghost us or reject because “Oh we were thinking your son is a big manager but this looks like he is some MEKKANIK in some repair shop” (actual words)
)I send this and watch them all ghost us or reject because “Oh we were thinking your son is a big manager but this looks like he is some MEKKANIK in some repair shop” (actual words)
All this only left my mom, step dad and brother deeply anxious, worried and disappointed. They started blaming themselves sometimes for these rejections and worse - started pushing me to “adjust and compromise and not be so stubborn” 
Looking back, I feel glad that I did what FELT right - even though parents told me “it is ok. Let’s adjust / let’s be flexible” etc, if I didn’t feel ok, If I saw red flags (disrespect/arrogance/casteist snobs) I didn’t take it further.I am so glad I didn’t fall for this trap.
Marrying at 28 and having kids within a few years = next 20-30 years “wasted” with the child (& family life) at the centre of everything (in one sense) and I am not ok with that idea. But my 30s turned out to be the best 10 years of my life and now 40s will be even better 
All these rejections/ghosting/mean and rude comments made my Amma very sad. That stress would pass on to the rest of us. In this day & age it is ridiculous that educated Indians still reject a marriage proposal because the mother in law is a widow/remarried /different caste
