I will now live tweet my important reactions to The Chicks Gaslighter album, track by track. Let us commence with "Gaslighter." Monogamy is difficult and cheating happens but cheating on a boat is disgusting. Boats are gross and it's not even his boat. He's fired. Next!

I mean really you should only get on a boat to fish or flee. That's the only reason. Also later in the album you find out she left her tights on the boat which is how Natalie found out. Who wears tights in SoCal MUCH of the year, MUCH LESS on a boat? Tights are for New York.

This girl was probably on her own sad journey, life is tough, and the fact that she wore tights on a boat indicates to me that she had some issues. I have empathy for a troubled sexy boundary-crossing gal, but the boat is just a no. That's when you need REAL therapy 2x a week.

I will hit the X or swipe the whatever way on a dude who posts his boat on a dating app. I will not budge on this. Cheating on a boat? This spouse was a human barnacle hitting the metaphor on the nose hard with a two-by-four. No boats. Okay next song.

Second track: "Sleep At Night." "My husband's girlfriend's husband just called me / How messed up is that" is GREAT. Also quoting the language of recovery is very fun to me always in songs. You ARE only as sick as your secrets. Also she showed up at the Hollywood Bowl show WOOOW.

Honestly, very bold move on the secret girlfriend's part. This girl sounds FUN and DAMAGED. Does she need a rebound girlfriend? I'm here for Boat Girl. We need to talk about those tights, though. We might not be able to make it past the tights. Also, the boat. I just.

Also, even when you're a guest of the artist, the Hollywood Bowl SUCKS to get to. I don't care how much I want to fuck your husband or love your excellent country crossover music, I don't want to get carsick in a town car waiting in Bowl traffic. I have lived the carsickness. No.

I love The Chicks and Jack Antonoff is a fucking genius, the ex-husband is pointless to me, but I am fascinated by the boat girlfriend with the out-of-season tights. What is her journey. Will she release a solo album on theremin. I mean wow. Okay "Sleep at Night" is GREAT.

Okay Track 3 has nothing to do with boats or tights. "Texas Man." Natalie would like to have sex with a heterosexual cis man (I'm assuming, no judgment!) from Texas. We must assume he is progressive so I'm guessing he will be from Austin, Houston, or, if he's super weird, Odessa.

Maybe he's from Waco or San Antonio or fucking Sugarland, IDK, but he is from Texas and great at sex. Will not disrespect her boat, presumably. She's so great. These lyrics are delightful! A journey! Maybe he's from El Paso! Who can say? He's not from Dallas.

It would be cool if Natalie decided to be bisexual and date me but also we would have the issue about the boat. I will NEVER disrupt the sanctity of her boat or wear shitty tights but I will need Dramamine. I don't know. Sea Bands? Maybe it could work?

What kind of tights were they? What if they had a whimsical pattern? Truly I feel they were opaque and turquoise. I don't know why. Boat Girl maybe thought, "It'll match the ocean!" Feels like a Boat Girl move.

How excited would you guys be if I dated Natalie from The Chicks? She appears to be straight and I am bisexual but I am extremely charming and don't wear shitty tights. Okay let's move on.

Okay "Everybody Loves You." It is hard dating somebody or marrying them probably if everybody adores them and you're like, "But they are so mean." I don't actually know what this is like. Probably some of my exes do! Whew, good times, fun times. A sad pretty song. No boats.

I'm not actually mean, you guys.

Natalie is talking to her younger self, which is important work and something we should all do. This song is called "For Her." And you stand up for your younger self and do the right thing. Ugh I love therapy.

Okay now we are listening to a song called "March March" which they wrote after going to a protest. The video was how they debuted their new name and it focused on Black Lives Matter. The Chicks are great and they evolve and speak out! We really do love AND like to see it.

This is a beautiful song. Of course.

"My Best Friend's Weddings" is a GREAT fucking song. Also, she spent twenty years with this guy and he did a boat cheat? Get out of here. Natalie has realized she is better off without that guy. And her best friend is so happy! I personally hope to have several fun weddings.

If Natalie marries ME we will have one REAL wedding and then multiple fun other weddings just when we feel like it, but always to each other.

"Julianna Calm Down" TIGHTS STORY! WE GET THE TIGHTS STORY!

Julianna is my little cousin's name, except she is a Texas Teen (TM) now and grown. It's also my Confirmation name! We spell it with one "n". A fun fact is 7th grade me chose Juliana instead of the Italian spelling because Giuliana looks like Giuliani. I knew. I KNEW.

He made her cry on tour? No thank you. Crying while traveling because of some man is not fun. Crying at home because of some man also sucks but is way better because everything smells familiar.

WAIT the song about tights on a boat was called "Tights On A Boat." AHAHAHAHAH. Okay now we're on to the Julianna song. She says a bunch of names and coaches them in this song. IDK what's happening.

I don't know who the women are or if she picked random names but if it's me? I'm 100% picking the name of Tights On A Boat girl just to fuck with her. I'm also finding out her mom's name and her sisters' names and using those names too. But I'm a Scorpio. Natalie is a Libra.

Okay Track 10 is called "Young Man" and I couldn't livetweet it because my cat had other ideas so I made a video of the cat and did a review.

Okay this song is called "Hope It's Something Good." Sad breakup song, eerie spooky vibes, like you listen to this while driving through the desert and feeling dejected yet also resolute and not even stopping to pee before you get to your expansive retreat in Joshua Tree probs.

I assume the final track, "Set Me Free," is about the fact that the dude contested the divorce & demanded money by claiming poverty even though he'd apparently reported income of $400,000 the previous year. Wikipedia says the divorce was finalized in December 2019.

Anyway, most but not all marriages and divorces sound like a nightmare, this album was way fucking better than that movie with Blonde in the Shell, everybody should listen to "Gaslighter"!

P.S. HAHAH apparently he demanded $60K a month even though they had a prenup. Hahhahhaah fuck that guy. Oh Boat Tights Girl, I hope you are in intensive therapy.