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An important aspect of the conversation around the politics of desire and beauty politics that keeps getting overlooked: I can tell if people are or are not attracted to fat people by how they treat me. Even in professional or medical contexts. It is not *all* abt sex or dating.
In friendships, too--especially with queer men. I have been reflecting recently on how (in)frequently & (ir)regularly I see non-fat people in my life speaking out about fat stigma, sharing resources or information, or being public abt their processes of challenging it.
It feels evident that most of the ones I do see who fall in this category are also those who I know happen to be attracted to fat people. They are also the ones who follow fat people who are not me (if we have met) or, say, Lizzo, on social media.
There are relatively mundane examples, but I share them bc they impact how I and other fat people are treated in the larger moments. When we think abt whose feelings are valuable, who we want to love, protect & care for, even who we want to hire.
I went on some dates w a person who was once a student in the graduate program of a now-deceased but eternal fav queer of color theorist. He shared w me how this scholar seemed to only take on students he was attracted to, & largely ignored my date while he was in the program.
This contributed to my date leaving the program & not graduating. Knowing at least some of who this scholar's students were, I can see it.
(I didn't treat this date, who was fat, very well, either. I had my reasons; at least some of them were my own internalized fatphobia.)
(I didn't treat this date, who was fat, very well, either. I had my reasons; at least some of them were my own internalized fatphobia.)
There is another queer superstar prof who currently teaches at my university. We have met a handful of times, but they largely ignore me. In contrast, several thin friends have disclosed to me that they have acted in predatory ways towards them.
Beauty politics undoubtedly shapes who gets mentored by whom, which also informs who gets what job. This is another fiction of meritocracy: it is not necessarily the best who get hired--sometimes it's just who's the hottest. Who was hot enough to get an opportunity.
I feel reminded by this by the words of @TassianaWillis, whose work I encountered recently and continues to turn the wheels in my mind. Like they have shared, I've been denied jobs because of fatphobia; I've received inadequate medical care bc of fatphobia.
I didn't quite understand this until a therapy session recently where my therapist, who I have disclosed more to than anyone else, reflected how failed I have been by so many doctors at every stage of life. There are still conditions I struggle to access treatment for.
Last yr I went to the Dr to ask for a medication my thin brother received for a condition we both have. The Dr. refused my request, saying any medication is risky to introduce to a body & she didn't feel it was worth the risk. I could tell she was uncomfortable w my body.
Shortly after, a separate Dr. offered to prescribe me weight loss drugs (Speed?) out of nowhere & for no condition that wasn't already being treated otherwise, saying it was just 'better' for a body to have less weight on it. But I couldn't get other meds I actually asked for.
Fat stigma is so pervasive & normalized. I think our dating life is sometimes the most apparent, which is why it gets pointed to most frequently. I have frequently heard poc disclose to me, personally, their fatphobic dating 'preferences', as if they were okay or normal.
That is part of why I shared this poll as an experiment; I assumed the results. This is how most poc I know engage this conversation, but when the question becomes abt about fatness (or disability), there are so many excuses made. It's tired. https://twitter.com/chairbreaker_/status/1284738925710327808?s=20
I'm not saying everyone has to find every single fat person ever attractive. But I am saying that one's willingness to find fat people attractive shows in more arenas in life than one thinks. And, collectively, it contributes to lower qualities of life for all of us.
