It shouldn't take a Netflix show or a Banerjee et al. RCT to recognize the grip of caste on marital matters in India. Instead of hate tweeting, a more honest analysis from progressive Indians will be insights on why their own relationships happen within similar caste hierarchy.1/

Upper caste progressives, as well-meaning as they come, live most part of their formative years within the same caste bubbles. Their social capital & wealth allows them to develop interests, friendships and experiences which are not accessible to Dalits and other lower castes.2/

By the time upper caste folks recognize their participation in upholding the caste based society, they have already excluded those outside similar caste hierarchy from their social interactions. What remains is caste as a brunch conversation, academic/professional pursuit. 3/

Not to say their paths never crossed lower caste folks in all those years. But it happens in context of 'reservation students' at college, 'field subjects' for academic research, colleagues/neighbors who they know the least about. In their framework we are always an outsider. 4/

In my experiences, Dalits become invisible or hyper visible. Rarely are we approached in equal terms, even more rarely as complete beings in the absence of our accomplishments. In such an environment, relationships, let alone romantic ones, can't take shape or thrive.5/

So thanks to upper caste folks for hottakes on caste & marriage, but no thanks for holding on to privilege that allows your anti-caste discourse from the comfort of relationships within similar caste/class strata.Good job, now go do the work of dismantling the barriers you built.