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PHASE ONE
Love Avoidant: Connects behind a wall of seduction, blocking intimacy
Love Addict: Connects in a haze of fantasy, blocking intimacy
Love Avoidant: Connects behind a wall of seduction, blocking intimacy
Love Addict: Connects in a haze of fantasy, blocking intimacy
PHASE TWO
Love Avoidant: Becomes overwhelmed by partner's neediness and moves from wall of seduction to wall of resentment
Love Addict: Denies partner's walls and partner’s need to have a life outside the relationship
Love Avoidant: Becomes overwhelmed by partner's neediness and moves from wall of seduction to wall of resentment
Love Addict: Denies partner's walls and partner’s need to have a life outside the relationship
PHASE THREE
Love Avoidant: Enters the struggle phase, torn between sense of duty to relationship & desire for intensity outside the relationship
Love Addict: Enters the struggle phase, vacillating between pain due to partner’s distancing & relief when partner seems closer
Love Avoidant: Enters the struggle phase, torn between sense of duty to relationship & desire for intensity outside the relationship
Love Addict: Enters the struggle phase, vacillating between pain due to partner’s distancing & relief when partner seems closer
PHASE FOUR
Love Avoidant: Feels engulfed by partner, withdraws from relationship and craves intensity
Love Addict: Experiences an event that shatters the fantasy
Love Avoidant: Feels engulfed by partner, withdraws from relationship and craves intensity
Love Addict: Experiences an event that shatters the fantasy
PHASE FIVE
Love Avoidant: Finds a way to create distance from the partner and abandon the relationship
Love Addict: Feels pain of abandonment, goes through withdrawal symptoms
Love Avoidant: Finds a way to create distance from the partner and abandon the relationship
Love Addict: Feels pain of abandonment, goes through withdrawal symptoms
PHASE SIX
Love Avoidant: Searches for excuse to leave relationship
Love Addict: Preoccupied by thoughts of how to get love avoidant back and return to “how things used to be”
Love Avoidant: Searches for excuse to leave relationship
Love Addict: Preoccupied by thoughts of how to get love avoidant back and return to “how things used to be”
PHASE SEVEN
EITHER
Love Avoidant: Re-enters relationship out of duty
Love Addict: Re-enters relationship out of fear of abandonment
OR
Love Avoidant: Leaves relationship and moves on to connect with new partner
Love Addict: Returns to fantasy or moves on to new relationship
EITHER
Love Avoidant: Re-enters relationship out of duty
Love Addict: Re-enters relationship out of fear of abandonment
OR
Love Avoidant: Leaves relationship and moves on to connect with new partner
Love Addict: Returns to fantasy or moves on to new relationship
And so this cycle or a variant thereof repeats, until we become conscious of our patterns and heal our core relational wounds
