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Okay abled folks. Let’s have a chat. You need to start getting comfortable with other people’s discomfort and stop prioritizing your own unease. People with illness and disability (and hell, even people going through a rough time) are going to talk about their lived experiences.
This might be to raise awareness, to connect with others going through similar experiences, venting frustration, or giving others insight into our lives. Or it could just be our own way of working it out. But I ask you. Listen. Empathize. Don’t try to problem-solve or advise us.
Unless we ask for advice, we don’t want it. It’s infantilizing to assume we haven’t thought of, or aren’t already doing the thing you want to suggest. If you must respond, the best way to do so is by validating, listening, sympathizing. That’s ACTUALLY how to support us.
By jumping in to make suggestions, you may think because you’re intention is to “help,” you’re doing good. But what you’re doing is absolving yourself of the discomfort you feel when we talk about uncomfortable topics so we’ll stop. And it’s not about you. Don’t center yourself.
If you truly want to help, the best way to do so is to just ask, “Can I help?” Don’t assume you know better. And if you really feel your advice or suggestion will benefit someone…ask first! Say “Hi, I have a suggestion, are you interested?” Then respect our yes or no. Thanks.
