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Exciting news! I got a letter from Donald J. Trump, President of the United States!
Oh, no! I have disappointed the president! He is extremely shocked that I am not listed among his dedicated friends!
“I asked my campaign staff to immediately provide me with an up-to-date list of the loyal supporters who are standing with me as we battle back against the ruthless Democrats and their corrupt allies who will stop at nothing to destroy me.
“Hal, in reviewing the report I just received, I was extremely shocked to find that your name was not listed among those dedicated friends who are doing all they can to support my re-election … .”
But there's good news! I can redeem myself in the Dear Leader's eyes with a contribution and the sacrifice of a small animal on the altar of trump!
“I am urging you to get fully and personally involved in this battle for our shared future by becoming a member of my team and returning a 2020 Membership Contribution of $45, $90, or even $135 by July 31st.
“With you by my side, I will prove to America's voters that the Democrats — promoted by their friends in the Liberal Fake News media — no longer deserve the peoples' trust and respect.
“Through their words, deeds. and actions, they have made absolutely clear that their self-serving politics come first and foremost - while the welfare of our nation and her citizens doesn't matter at all!”
My duty is clear. The blinders have been removed from my eyes.
I must prostrate myself before the Dear Leader with a contribution of $45, $90, or $135.
But times are tough now. The Democrats’ perpetration of the Covid - 19 hoax has severely impacted my cash flow.
But I am determined! I really don't need both kidneys!
I now see it is my duty to sell that unneeded left kidney to raise money to ensure Dear Leader can protect me from the predations of Joe, Chuck, and Nancy.
If I can save the life of a diabetic oligarch in the process, so much the better! Win, win!
