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The sun is rising on the Basque country when suddenly a bearded man's phone rings.
"Can you come back?" says the voice, trembling. The man is in Barcelona and has a gun to his head.
"Hurry up Barto, it'll soon be lunchtime" says one of the kidnappers with a Uruguayan accent.
"Can you come back?" says the voice, trembling. The man is in Barcelona and has a gun to his head.
"Hurry up Barto, it'll soon be lunchtime" says one of the kidnappers with a Uruguayan accent.
The man's pants are sticky and he's surrounded by what seems to be a Latino gang.
Finally, after some negotiations, the bearded man agrees : "Just for one last challenge. Just for the UCL"
And like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Don Ernesto made his come back as Barça coach.
Finally, after some negotiations, the bearded man agrees : "Just for one last challenge. Just for the UCL"
And like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Don Ernesto made his come back as Barça coach.
The news spreads quickly.
Somewhere in Barcelona, a Croatian is throwing a party. An Argentinian is readying THE BIGGEST BARBECUE EVER.
Everywhere, teenagers are found unconscious in their parents basements after suffering a heart attack. Next to their bodies, Twtr app is open.
Somewhere in Barcelona, a Croatian is throwing a party. An Argentinian is readying THE BIGGEST BARBECUE EVER.
Everywhere, teenagers are found unconscious in their parents basements after suffering a heart attack. Next to their bodies, Twtr app is open.
A man named Rafael is seen walking aimlessly in the streets, naked, horrified, his eyes the size of saucers, banging his head against street lamps, traffic lights posts, shop windows, trees, cars, and shouting the same words : "oooohhh Johan, oooohhh Johan, oooohhh Johan...."
"F*ck Taka Toko" yells the man who had now shaved his beard.
"442 no pressing Messi and Inchalah is the way to go!"
One by one, with tears in their eyes, the players hug him. Forward, long or risky : all passes are allowed. Counter-attacking is not a sin anymore.
FREE AT LAST!
"442 no pressing Messi and Inchalah is the way to go!"
One by one, with tears in their eyes, the players hug him. Forward, long or risky : all passes are allowed. Counter-attacking is not a sin anymore.
FREE AT LAST!
The UCL final's 1st half ends in a humiliating 0-3 and it's an opportunity no one wants to miss.
Plastic fans rush to their keyboards and soon "I TOLD YOU" is trending on Twitter. Victor Font tweets #SiAlFutur. Even MoRosement reactivates his account to post a 34-tweets thread.
Plastic fans rush to their keyboards and soon "I TOLD YOU" is trending on Twitter. Victor Font tweets #SiAlFutur. Even MoRosement reactivates his account to post a 34-tweets thread.
The 2nd half starts and Messi bangs a historic hattrick in 15 minutes !!!
Things get tough but Ter Stegen makes 2 magisterial saves.
Things get tougher then Don Ernesto makes his usual spot on substitutions and tactical adjustments and Barça is now dominating the game.
Things get tough but Ter Stegen makes 2 magisterial saves.
Things get tougher then Don Ernesto makes his usual spot on substitutions and tactical adjustments and Barça is now dominating the game.
It's 3-3 with 5 minutes to go.
Suárez misses a tap-in and Alba attempts his 35th cutback of the night to Messi and looks SHOCKED that it's not working.
The tension is palpable.
Everyone is on edge.
Except Arthur who's yawning in the stands.
Suárez misses a tap-in and Alba attempts his 35th cutback of the night to Messi and looks SHOCKED that it's not working.
The tension is palpable.
Everyone is on edge.
Except Arthur who's yawning in the stands.
90th minute : Rakitic with a long range shot and... IT'S THE WINNER! He runs to the bench and hugs the coach and the TV is now showing the presidential box where an over-excited Barto rises from his seat and leans towards Abidal, shouting "SE QUEDA! RENEW RAKITIC'S CONTRACT!"
Messi remembers Puyol's gesture in 2011 and, instead of lifting the trophy, hands it right away to Don Ernesto, smiling, happy.
Unable to face this reality, our man Rafael is now attempting to remove his own eyeballs and MoRosement is deleting his thread hoping no one saw it.
Unable to face this reality, our man Rafael is now attempting to remove his own eyeballs and MoRosement is deleting his thread hoping no one saw it.
No one gives a f*** about lockdown anymore : Hundreds of thousands of fans rush to the streets of Barcelona, Paris, New York, Amsterdam, Montevideo, Stockholm, Moscow, Brussels, and Buenos Aires to celebrate this glorious title.
But not everyone is this happy.
For some strange reason, no one is celebrating in New Delhi and Lagos. They prefer to join the rallying complaint coming from an old man's farm in Spain and what's left of Barça Twitter to shout in unison :
"BUT HE DIDN'T WIN BALL POSSESSION !!!"
For some strange reason, no one is celebrating in New Delhi and Lagos. They prefer to join the rallying complaint coming from an old man's farm in Spain and what's left of Barça Twitter to shout in unison :
"BUT HE DIDN'T WIN BALL POSSESSION !!!"
THE END
