your friends =/= your therapists. There’s a difference in venting/confiding in them and forcing them to bear all of your emotional/relationship/psychological based trauma and problems. Doing this to them and being angry when they can’t always be that for you is abusive. Period.

Ive has instances where I just couldn’t be there for certain friends whenever they needed me to be, be it due to college, familial obligation or just bc I was too drained.

These people ALL ended up lashing out at me, claimed I treated certain friends better than they, made posts about how I didn’t care about them anymore, unfollowed and refollowed my socials when their tantrums were over. It was exhausting and did a toll on my mental well-being.

And I’ve struggled with this lesson myself growing up. Most of this was during highschool and I felt bitter bc they didn’t want to listen to me.

But I had to realize that I’m not entitled to anyone’s time, where and whenever I wanted it.

My friends were and are not trained professionals made to assess and analyze trauma.

The next lesson was learning that *I* am not a trained professional. And that’s a hard lesson bc it FEELS like you’re ignoring your friends, but it’s not the same.

Ignoring your friends is purposeful and often doesn’t require a reason.

Stepping away from a hard conversation about your friends trauma bc you aren’t prepared, don’t have the energy for it or just cannot mentally handle it at the moment is practicing discipline and self care.

DO NOT deplete yourself for other people in ways that you don’t know how you’ll recover from.

SUGGESTING that they see professional council is NOT being a bad friend.

ASK your friend if they’re in a good headspace right now to listen to your problems.

ASSESS your situation and whether or not this is too big an issue for your willing friend to take and how much you should talk to them about it.

EVEN IF your friend happens to be a therapist or a psychologist, THEY STILL NEED TIME TO RECOVER AND RECUPERATE FROM THEIR JOBS.

It’s one thing when they offer it to you/say that they can. It’s another to feel entitled to them, their training, and their education just bc y’all are friends.

You want your friends to be there for you, that’s fine and good.

Please consider them when doing so.

I’m LITERALLY JUST ASKING that you guys not unload hard convos onto your friends without their consent. Don’t be mad when they can’t be there for you immediately. Don’t lash out at them when they don’t answer on time. I’m not saying you can’t talk to your friends about your hurt.

Y’all are taking this as “this is why I don’t talk about my feelings” and that’s not what this is. If you feel like you’ve been taking advantage of your friend’s mental/emotional availability, be more mindful. ASK IF THEYRE GOOD TO TALK BEFORE TALKING.

Good friends will be there for you and will tell you if they’re available and in the right headspace to talk. YOU don’t want an empty listener, THEY don’t want to be blindsided w painful or triggering discussions and emotionally drained without consent.