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My preferred origins for DC superheroes, which may be cobbled together from different continuities because comics are a vast tapestry woven together by lots of people who are all using different patterns and materials and who don’t talk to each other:
Aquaman, raised on land by his dad, basically an underwater hobo who kept punching out sea monsters and pirates until Atlantis made him king. His mom was queen, but Atlantis is wicked racist and didn’t want some half surface dweller ruling them until they ran out of other options
Wonder Woman, a baby sculpted from clay by the Queen of the Amazons and brought to life by an all star team of Goddesses. Pretty immortal, been around for a while. Proved herself worthy of traveling to Man’s World in an ass-kicking contest she had to disguise herself to enter.
The Flash: OH NO NOT HARD WATER WHY DID I DECIDE TO DO POLICE SCIENCE DURING A THUNDERSTORM
Hawkman: what if reincarnation but aliens?
Elongated Man: glug glug glug stretchy juice
Blue Beetle:
Dan: Found a rock that gives me superpowers when I yell at it
Ted: The rock does not give me super powers when I yell at it guess I’ll be tech Spider-Man
Jaime: The rock is actually an alien robot who wants to take over earth until I taught it the power of friendship
Dan: Found a rock that gives me superpowers when I yell at it
Ted: The rock does not give me super powers when I yell at it guess I’ll be tech Spider-Man
Jaime: The rock is actually an alien robot who wants to take over earth until I taught it the power of friendship
Black Canary: I loved my mother but I also have a lot of issues with her that I’ve decided to work out by dressing up as her and beating people up. Also, I can scream real good because being a superhero while you’re pregnant exposes your baby to a lot of shit
Oracle: Former Batgirl, former librarian, former congresswoman, was doing the computer command thing before it was cool
Nightwing: Was a circus kid before woh oh crime happened
Martian Manhunter: Maybe my home planet burning down was just the universe’s way of saying hey, time for a change. Why not move to earth, get an apartment, and get really into cosplay?
Batman: really? I’m pretty sure that you could make a full length movie out of preexisting footage of his parents being shot by now.
Superboy:
Mr Shue: Alright Glee club, new assignments! Artie, you’re going to be doing a funky fresh mashup of Superman and Lex Luthor.
Artie: Another mash-up?
Mr Shue: Don’t make plant drugs on you again, Artie.
Mr Shue: Alright Glee club, new assignments! Artie, you’re going to be doing a funky fresh mashup of Superman and Lex Luthor.
Artie: Another mash-up?
Mr Shue: Don’t make plant drugs on you again, Artie.
