We are physically isolated but it is necessary for almost all humans not to be socially isolated.

1) Normalize texting daily, calling weekly, or whatever form of contact with others reminds you that it's okay to share and talk about how we're all getting through this.

2) Remember humor! Yes everything is VERY intense. But it can't all be sharing misery. Have some jokes or memes to share.

3. This is a time to nurture good relationships or fix lackluster ones. Principles of good relationship maintenance:

-When you notice yourself freaking out, rather than letting it build up, name your emotions. "I feel sad/hurt/angry/rejected/lonely." Be specific.

--If you have a conflict, it means your needs are unmet in that moment. Address it as soon as you can identify what the need is. Use "when you do this, I feel...." phrases. "When you don't tell me what's going on in your life, I feel hurt and rejected, like you don't trust me.."

Even better if you can name the unmet need and learn to ask for it honestly!

"I've found out during this pandemic that I need to feel trusted and appreciated in order to really feel safe."

And then see what the response is.

If the other person (friend, partner) dismisses your concerns, that's not great! But be assertive (not aggressive). "I am telling you what makes me feel safe. Can you hear me on that?"

It's easy for communication to fall through the cracks (especially in a pandemic) so it's important to be respectful and to make sure you fully understand the problem.

When someone comes to you with a complaint, listen and summarize it, like repeating a phone number back...

As an example of repetition to understand. So, in a family situation:

"You feel overwhelmed and you're worried that without time alone, you're losing yourself. Is that right?"

And then wait to be corrected. It's important to get it right.

Here are some principles of open and effective communication from the book Attached by Amir Levine. It includes advice on when *you* know you're feeling insecure or invalidated or your needs are unmet. Learn to know yourself.

And lastly: The most important thing in a food relationship is REPAIR.

That means that when there's a conflict, it must be followed up with an apology (or acknowledgement) and more importantly: MAKING AMENDS.

If you don't repair every conflict, the relationship falls apart.

More on the concept of repair in a relationship (friendship/work/romantic) because I get the sense a lot of people don't understand how crucial it is. It is the difference between good relationships and bad ones.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/repair-secret-weapon-emotionally-connected-couples/

*a good relationship, not a good relationship. I shouldn't be tweeting before breakfast.

Anyway, when people say "relationships take work" they are right, and this is the work. Both of you have to be doing the work; if only one person is willing, it's not going to thrive.

It's all incredibly worthwhile because good relationships are very sustaining. And they're not hard to have! You just have to agree to have shared values and meet each other's needs.

And that is today's Free Mental Health Corner.