My whole life I’ve had stories of my friends betraying me, from bullying in elementary to nasty bulletins posted on MySpace under anonymity about me in middle school to rumors being spread in high school and the list goes
I learn a bit from each experience but there’s always something in the back of my head reminding me that I must be doing something to annoy or bother people that I’m unaware of, considering how often I am kinda left in the dust
I’m so so so grateful for the friends I have right now, but I always find myself preparing to be left behind

I don’t have a therapist so Twitter is like my journal rn sorry LOL

I’m just now really realizing that my past makes me quadruple think all my interactions with people
I try to self reflect a lot and be conscious and considerate of those around me but because I try to be so self aware, I’m also constantly berating myself so that I can improve and be better, while also punishing myself for being bothersome
I sit here and just cry bc I want to love people and be kind but feel like I always fail?? And I can’t pinpoint what I do wrong sometimes

OkAY ANYWAYS hope you’re having a good day imma go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
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