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What each candidate would be doing if the primary were held now [thread]:
Pete Buttigieg: Routinely having his speeches disrupted by Black Lives Matter Protesters and blaming it on Bernie
Elizabeth Warren: Has just appealed to the UN to have "Karen" condemned as hate-speech by the security council. Unveiled a new plan to create the Federal Office of White Fragility. Flip flopped on Medicare for All for the 9th time
Kamala Harris: Still laser focused on getting Trump banned from Twitter
Yang: Wearing a mask that says "MATH" Enjoying a boost in popularity thanks to UBI being favored by the greater public, talking to Nick Cannon about cancel culture
Marianne Williamson: Announces she has a cure for Corona Virus, and the cure is Love.
Bernie Sanders: Embroiled in controversy after Elizabeth Warren alleged he told her in private that "masks are for pussies." With over 100,000 people dead, millions unemployed and without health insurance the media has one question on its mind: Does Bernie yell too much?
Joe Biden: Joe Biden having died of Coronavirus, has just secured the endorsement of Barack Obama and will be the party's nominee this November.
Mike Bloomberg: Killing Ghislaine Maxwell in prison.
@davidsitrick helped with this and wrote the Buttigieg one entirely
