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OK guys, this is extremely personal so please bear with me.
My name is Moto and I finally accepted that I have bulimia hyperphagia.
A thread.
My name is Moto and I finally accepted that I have bulimia hyperphagia.
A thread.
I feel like people talk about anorexia a lot (which is great) and bulimia is a little bit more obscure.
So what's bulimia?
So what's bulimia?
Bulimia, to me at least, is some kind of pathological addiction to food. When I'm anxious or stressed, it might start an episode, during which I will eat and eat again, until I'm sick. You know that saying of "eating your feelings"? That's kind of it.
Once that episode is over, I tend to hate myself. I feel bad, physically because I'm super bloated, and also mentally because I'm just disgusted at myself for what just happened. Usually, I end up throwing up most of what I ate.
This reaction is usually 1) to avoid getting enormous due to that quantity of food, and 2) to really leave that crisis behind me, because as long as I feel bad I'll be reminded of it. But the guilt of doing it doesn't go away.
During lockdown I ordered takeaway almost everyday, for those 2 months, because I felt so miserable. And out of those 2 months I could probably count on my hands the number of those meals I actually kept.
I feel the need to eat fast, and to throw up fast, so that I'm done with it.
So why am I sharing this with you guys? Because again I feel like this is a bit obscure, and that some people might have this as well, and be confused because they don't understand what's wrong.
I just want to say that if you experience this, you're not alone, and discussing it might make you feel a bit better. Opening up to you guys like that already makes me feel a bit better.
I'm trying to get better and go back to a nice relationship with food but it's so difficult, and I don't know if I'll manage to do it someday. But at least I'm trying.
Thank you so much for reading if you made it all the way here. 
Thank you for your support everyone, I'm still a bit uncomfortable talking about it, I felt very vulnerable last night so please don't be upset if my reply to you is minimal, but I promise I'm so grateful.
