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#DrLoveleeOnLife
On marriage:
I grew up in a home with 2 parents, so my expectations of what a marriage & a family should be were rooted in what I saw growing up.
Add to that, influences from Danielle Steele/ Mills & Boon Novels, Bo&Bilie, Brooke &Ridge on TV, True Love mag etc
On marriage:
I grew up in a home with 2 parents, so my expectations of what a marriage & a family should be were rooted in what I saw growing up.
Add to that, influences from Danielle Steele/ Mills & Boon Novels, Bo&Bilie, Brooke &Ridge on TV, True Love mag etc
With time, growth & experience I was forced to relook at my expectations (actually fantasies to be honest) regarding marriage (romantic relationships in general).
A lot of unlearning was done, usually brought on by pain from trying to force another person to be who they arenât.
A lot of unlearning was done, usually brought on by pain from trying to force another person to be who they arenât.
Which brings me to what I wanna discuss:
With so many tools at our disposal, a lot of people (still) enter into relationships w marriage /some type of long term commitment as a goal âwithout preparationâ. Or at the very least with an idea of what else they want besides âa ringâ
With so many tools at our disposal, a lot of people (still) enter into relationships w marriage /some type of long term commitment as a goal âwithout preparationâ. Or at the very least with an idea of what else they want besides âa ringâ
Some find themselves merely âdriftingâ into it because âweâve been together so long / thereâs a kid(s) so we might as wellâ.
Most, like me at age 23 when I got married, have unrealistic âromanticâ expectations (fantasies) about how their partner is going to make them happy.
Most, like me at age 23 when I got married, have unrealistic âromanticâ expectations (fantasies) about how their partner is going to make them happy.
Most envision a smooth happily ever after, all the while knowing âmarriage comes w challengesâ but hoping against all odds that THEY are lucky ones who are never touched by such.
Why do I say that? Coz when the âsickness, thin, poorer, etcâ part of the vows happen itâs â
â.
Why do I say that? Coz when the âsickness, thin, poorer, etcâ part of the vows happen itâs â
â.
So, knowing what we know about relationships âups &downsâ, why is it society only ever want to hear about 1 sided âlove lives hereâ stories &still makes it hard for married ppl to talk about challenges theyâve experienced?
Itâs like everyone knows, but dont really want to know
Itâs like everyone knows, but dont really want to know
A lot of the time people have unrealistic expectations on their partners to be:
-their best friends
-always erotically pleasing &energized to be a sex god/dess
-never frustrated
-always smiling &ready to be the pillar of strength
-etc etc..
Just too much expected from 1 person.
-their best friends
-always erotically pleasing &energized to be a sex god/dess
-never frustrated
-always smiling &ready to be the pillar of strength
-etc etc..
Just too much expected from 1 person.
What must happen when reality sets in?
Bearing in mind that forever is a long time (weâre livin longer than our ancestors) to live a fantasy /fairytale life filled w all things nice &
-pleasure without pain
-adventure without boredom
-reliability without risk
-etc.
Bearing in mind that forever is a long time (weâre livin longer than our ancestors) to live a fantasy /fairytale life filled w all things nice &
-pleasure without pain
-adventure without boredom
-reliability without risk
-etc.
Reality will set in at some point sooner / later.. because it is hard to live by another personâs expectations forever..
Itâs not impossible.. but then with that comes anxiety, depression, resentment, âenduring marriageâ and many other unnecessary challenges, etc.
Itâs not impossible.. but then with that comes anxiety, depression, resentment, âenduring marriageâ and many other unnecessary challenges, etc.
We need to normalize that âworking on matters arisingâ as the relationship progresses is not âmarried people sufferingâ.. We need to normalize that overcoming challenges, including infidelity, doesnât mean the âwronged partyâ is a 
Thereâs ppl who overcome infidelity in a healthy manner, where they BOTH acknowledge their part in the infidelity happening regardless of the âguilty partyâ.
The people who choose to âuncoupleâ &grow &recouple shouldnât be seen as âforcing issuesâ. Uncoupling =/= divorce always
The people who choose to âuncoupleâ &grow &recouple shouldnât be seen as âforcing issuesâ. Uncoupling =/= divorce always
Uncoupling could be total separation, /separation while still living together for ease of life admin (raising kids, life expenses) while they work on themselves individually so they can stop hurting 1 another in the interim.. then recouple when theyâve healed ready &more mature.
People are expected to âgrow old togetherâ at the same pace ALL THE TIME.. HOW?
Often couples grow at different paces within the same relationship. Resentment sets in when people feel like the other partner is ânot keeping upâ, but donât discuss it.
Often couples grow at different paces within the same relationship. Resentment sets in when people feel like the other partner is ânot keeping upâ, but donât discuss it.
A lot of people grow apart & are afraid to say.
Some are *lucky enough to find their way back together, but some donât.
Some have admitted that a divorce was rather hasty, &perhaps they could have worked things out.
(*luck often finds those who choose to work at making it work)
Some are *lucky enough to find their way back together, but some donât.
Some have admitted that a divorce was rather hasty, &perhaps they could have worked things out.
(*luck often finds those who choose to work at making it work)
Some (a lot of) times the main reason why the grass isnât always greener is because the problem isnât the other person, but âthe man in the mirrorâ; hence there are people who marry & divorce multiple times.
In conclusion:
Indeed relationships have no HOW TO & will differ between couples or whatever situationships.. However, there is 1thing I firmly believe:
Looking to someone for love & to âmake you happyâ places unnecessary pressure on that person &the relationship inadvertently.
Indeed relationships have no HOW TO & will differ between couples or whatever situationships.. However, there is 1thing I firmly believe:
Looking to someone for love & to âmake you happyâ places unnecessary pressure on that person &the relationship inadvertently.
Because that person is going to disappoint at some point in time (innate human nature).
So, we should love ourselves first & foremost, & then let our love overflow into the relationship & be shared.
When we love ourselves (instead of looking to others for love), weâll always
So, we should love ourselves first & foremost, & then let our love overflow into the relationship & be shared.
When we love ourselves (instead of looking to others for love), weâll always
Do whatâs best for us..
Whether that best is to âstay and work on thingsâ, keep growing together AND at individual paces simultaneously..
Or be mature enough to say âhey.. itâs not workingâ, and let each other go amicably..
(Donât confuse self-love for selfishness.)
Whether that best is to âstay and work on thingsâ, keep growing together AND at individual paces simultaneously..
Or be mature enough to say âhey.. itâs not workingâ, and let each other go amicably..
(Donât confuse self-love for selfishness.)
Until next time, be kind to yourself &ur personal person.
Love yourselves, &remember there is not a problem too big for love to heal. & that the solution that love brings will feel right if you donât judge it based on what you think is expected of you/ both.
#DrLoveleeOnLife
Love yourselves, &remember there is not a problem too big for love to heal. & that the solution that love brings will feel right if you donât judge it based on what you think is expected of you/ both.
#DrLoveleeOnLife
