I’m going to be vulnerable for a minute. In your language. Because I can tolerate an extreme amount of suffering, I feel like I have to, like it is some twisted privilege. But sometimes I break so hard. Today, I’m broken. It was an ABA group. (cont)

A BCBA asked for strategies to teach autistic kids competition. I can’t hardly even type or see my screen. It’s just the final straw. Let me explain to you why I’m so upset if you don’t already get it. (Cont)

Yesterday, I was teaching my four year old how to play Candyland. I drew the peanut card and it caused me to have to go almost all the way to the beginning. It upset her. She said to get another card. She brought it back to nearing the end. (Cont)

When she won, she became upset again. She took her piece backwards and helped the other pieces make it to the end. She is already wonderful and she’s wired for cooperation and equity. And people want to break that. Tell her she’s not right & her natural inclination are deficient

And let me tell you, she is not what is wrong with this world. She is not who needs to be broken down and rearranged. And I cannot be around nonautistic people with her without having to stop them all the time for trying to do things that are “normal.”

No grandma and grandpa, don’t call each other “monkey face” and “dodo brain” because she doesn’t think it’s funny to insult people. No, don’t get her to tell you whose girl she is because she doesn’t care about ownership and jealousy upsets her.

I’m upset because the world is broken and unsafe. Don’t teach autistic kids to be “better losers” at competition because competition is a shitty value to have. Don’t set goals for my child based on your standards of what is socially “of consequence.”

She does not need to change. You need to be more like her. Don’t try to make our kids “overcome their challenges.” You need to overcome yours. I don’t care if rearranging the fabric of society seems too hard. Do it anyway. Fix yourselves. Listen to autistic parents.

If you feel like listening to autistic people is somehow beneath you, then you are going to be a terrible parent to your autistic child. I’m not taking that back, and I’m not sorry. If you don’t respect autistic adults, you don’t respect your child.

You can’t “love your children” but “hate their autism.” You can’t love your autistic child without respecting that child and their autonomy. You can’t. You might get through life by lying to yourself, but you can’t convince autistics to be complicit with those lies. We won’t be.