Thread by @crowbar_queen, I wish people would talk more openly about their struggles with alcoholism. [...]

I wish people would talk more openly about their struggles with alcoholism. I'm an alcoholic & have been since 2010. I wouldn't say i've struggled with it til recently because most of the time i was having a lot of fun. I still love drinking, but now i'm a little worried (1/15)

A lot of people know they drink more than is considered "normal." But there's a huge spectrum between "normal" and an amount that is inhibiting one's ability to function. Most alcoholics are functioning alcoholics. We function until it get's to a point where we can't. (2/15)

Most people on this spectrum don't really know where we exist on it. All bodies handle alcohol differently. We know people who drink less or less often who seem messier. We know people who drink more and seem fine. We also see our friends that drink more and aren't fine. (3/15)

We compare ourselves to those around us & what we think alcoholics look like
"i never drink at work"
"i hardly ever black out"
"i never make a scene when i'm drinking"
"i'm not mean when i'm drunk"
but knowing where you aren't on the alcoholic spectrum doesn't really help (4/15)

Thats why i wish we would talk about it. I wanna be honest about my drinking.
Since 2010, when at home by myself, with roommates or partners, i'd pretty much drink every night. 3-5drinks a night at first but by 2018, it was6-8. Since then I've been "working" on my drinking(5/15)

I decided to start to "work" on my drinking because i was starting to feel pretty shitty in the mornings (beyond the usual mild grogginess, headache or nausea), and even had some mild withdrawal symptoms (insomnia, cold sweats) if i ever took a couple days off. (6/15)

Me "working" on my drinking: taking 7-12 day breaks followed by a few weeks of drinking 4 or less nights a week but eventually id always end up drinking every night again.
Last September I took the whole month off (first time i ever went longer than 12 days) i was proud (7/15)

But eventually i started drinking a lot, so i decided to take January off. After January, i went back to drinking 3-4 days a week, but felt pretty balanced. I was working a ton, but getting to bed on time, waking up and feeling okay at work. Then quarantine happened :/// (8/15)

I bought a ton of booze at the beginning bc i didn't know the liquor store would stay open. I ended drinking it all in a couple weeks. I took couple weeks off. Drank a week, took a week off. Drank a week, took a week off, ect. i thought i was being good taking the breaks. (9/15)

But then i realized i was going through withdrawals every other week and I was still detoxing for a few days of those weeks off, i needed to go longer. I took 2 weeks off, then only drank 5 days (only beer, no liquor but drinking til 4 am everyday). i felt like shit. (10/15)

Time to take another month off. This month was harder than the other months. I was still craving alcohol all the time 3 weeks into the month. Still had insomnia 3 weeks into the month. Couldn't wait to drink again. Part of me said go 2 extra weeks, part of me said fuck it.(11/15)

I caved. Drank for 5 nights again, i thought i'd be okay bc i hadn't drank for a month. but i had withdrawals again. I'd been too afraid to look up alcohol withdrawals beyond basic symptoms before but I needed to learn what was happening to me. (12/15)

I couldn't find much information (another reason i think we need to talk about this stuff) but what i did find made sense. Your brain gets used to being saturated in a depressant, so it goes extra hard to keep you awake and functioning. you take the depressant away but its(13/15)

still used to firing on all cylinders. Which is why you can't sleep, and when you finally fall asleep nightmares wake you up drenched in sweat.
anyway these mild symptoms usually peak after 3 days but you can still be going through them up to a month after your last drink(14/15)

So during quarantine i was basically stalling the shit out of my brain. Drinking hard, withdrawals, over and over, and now i feel like shit. I'm going to take a much longer break this time. I'm not going to not drink for 3 months. it's gonna be hard but it's what i need. (15/15)

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