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(cw weight loss, toxic body image, self-injury)
I just saw an argument that pressure to lose weight might lead AFAB kids to want to transition, and as someone who's talked about weight loss being connected to my transition journey I'd like to speak personally for a sec:
I just saw an argument that pressure to lose weight might lead AFAB kids to want to transition, and as someone who's talked about weight loss being connected to my transition journey I'd like to speak personally for a sec:
I've been pressured to lose weight as long as I can remember. Puberty hit at 9, I hated my curves and believed weight loss was the "solution." I wanted a flatter chest, slimmer hips, to fit into my brother's clothes. I didn't understand I was trans - I'd never met a trans person.
I even lost weight, but I felt the exact same cause my hips didn't slim much, my chest stayed the same. As it turns out, you can't really weight-loss your chest off your body. Even my face felt wrong; I kept my hair long to hide it. I started self-injuring. I saw no way out.
The minute I got the right binder, everything changed. I was still ~the same weight (and will likely always be a pear-shaped dude
) but I suddenly *understood* my body like I hadn't before. My therapist & I put into words that it was my shape that was upsetting me, not my size.
) but I suddenly *understood* my body like I hadn't before. My therapist & I put into words that it was my shape that was upsetting me, not my size.
I wish all people could have open, honest, respectful explorations of body and mental health like that. I got so fucked up believing weight loss would solve all my problems that, when it couldn't, I felt like a failure. My mental health spiraled, a decade of my life feels lost.
It's through transitioning that I've finally started developing healthy tools for my body, cause I'm now coming from a place of love and wanting to take care of myself, not hatred and wanting to disappear. I do not understand why strangers want the latter for me! Kindly fuck off!
I've talked about this in interviews & can just hear ppl caterwauling, "Whatever, if he just lost more weight this wouldn't have happened!" Nope. I'd still have a chest that was traumatic to me. I'd still be hiding my v cute face from the world. Instead, I'm so happy to be alive!
(I'd like to reiterate my ideas growing up about weight loss were toxic. Healthy, beautiful people come in all shapes/sizes, which I've always felt about others. I was very influenced by media while trying to cobble a female identity for myself, which was harmful in MYRIAD ways!)
This is clearly all v personal but it comes up a lot & I'm tired of talking about it so now it lives here! I grew up w an extremely dangerous relationship to my body. Upon transitioning, the foundation of my being became healthier. My lifestyle is healthier. My mind is healthier.
If it terrifies you that this might happen to your child, that their overwhelming suffering & pain might be alleviated in some ways by a few adjustments, please challenge that within yourself. Doctors are not going to throw hormones at your kid, they won't race them into surgery!
These are deep thoughts and long discussions. If weight loss needs to be a factor, that should be explored from a place of health, not appearance. Listen to your kid. Find trans affirming doctors, educate yourself. Form an open, trusting line of communication w no shame or blame.
Also: everyone is different! People don't need to have a harmful body image (or be binary) to want to transition! I in fact hope people have MUCH healthier explorations than I did! I hope we can stop using trauma to justify our existences & just be treated w respect! That's all
Also pt 2: look at that whole entire face I have now nothing anyone hatefully spews to attack me out of their own ignorance, fear, and lack of self-knowledge could possibly mean more than how happy my mom is to finally see my face
nothing anyone hatefully spews to attack me out of their own ignorance, fear, and lack of self-knowledge could possibly mean more than how happy my mom is to finally see my face
