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I AM SEEING YOUNG FRIENDS ON THE TL WHO ARE STRESSED LATELY ABOUT NOT HITTING CERTAIN SOCIAL OR ROMANTIC MILESTONES BY A CERTAIN AGE AND I WANT TO TRY TO YOUR MIND.
Take it from someone who has been there and is STILL there — there is no such thing as a correct timetable.
Take it from someone who has been there and is STILL there — there is no such thing as a correct timetable.
Believe me. I get it. People who don't have this exact type of shame don't get it but I have it, too, and I understand. You haven't done XYZ by a certain age and so you feel like a complete failure, like there's something wrong with you and like you'll never catch up.
But you're doing FINE. You're doing WELL. I know how it feels when it seems like you're behind your peers but the truth is, no matter how hard or how big or how bad it seems to you now, it won't forever. It gets easier. It gets lighter. It starts to make sense!
When you have your first kiss or your first relationship doesn't matter. Not in the grand scheme of things. It won't affect how happy you'll be in that relationship or how that person will treat you or if that relationship lasts. It's just a thing, a random detail.
It isn't important. Being "late" to reach a milestone doesn't make you bad. It doesn't make you a loser or a late bloomer or ANYTHING remotely negative. It isn't important. It doesn't define you and it won't negatively impact your future. I promise.
Believe me, kids. I get it. I'm 25 and I look back and I see the milestones I "missed" or the things I didn't do "on-time" and I feel that pain and that shame and if I can use my experiences to stop ONE OF YOU AMAZING KIDS from feeling what I've felt, it was all worth it.
You're not a bad person for not having your first kiss by a certain grade or having sex by a certain age and if you nip those thoughts not and give yourself permission to be you and go at your own pace, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache.
You don't deserve to feel bad about yourself because you haven't done certain things based on when other people you know did them. You don't know their story. They could be lying to save face or maybe they regret doing what they did when they did it. That's THEIR story.
But you're in charge of yours and you need to treat your young self kindly so that things aren't so hard 10 years from now. Tell yourself that you're doing great, that you're a good person and you're going to be fine and please don't stress yourself about these milestones.
You're not running out of time, you're not doing something the wrong way, you're not doing a bad job. You're amazing and I love you and I'm here for you if you're ever stressed about this shit and need to talk to someone who gets it.
People would tell me this shit all the time but it was the ones who I thought had hit all of their milestones PERFECTLY and it would just make me feel 100x worse, like some "normal" person was taking pity on some loser like me. But I do get it and I'm here 24/7.
BE KIND TO YOURSELVES, YOUNG FRIENDS!
As sure as I was at ages 15 and 16 and 17 that I was broken and wrong and hopeless, I am currently in a happy and healthy relationship of 2 and a half years with a woman who was my very first girlfriend. These milestones DON'T impact the big picture.
I had spent so many years hating myself for being "late" to everything and convincing myself that I'd never be "normal" and that I'd always just be weird and wrong that it STILL sticks with me. It is still something I struggle with every single day and I don't want that for you.
Get in the habit of being kind and forgiving towards yourself NOW while you're young. Form these healthy, gentle inner monolgues that allow you to just be YOU in your own time and don't tear you down before you even have a chance to grow. You deserve patience and support!
I didn't have anyone who helped me back then. I had no one to teach me these things. I suffered so much for so long and now I just want to prevent kids like me from feeling undue pain. You don't deserve it and you're doing great. Take your time!
