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Mentors: a thread. I'm so glad I caught this tweet from @susanthesquark I felt the same way many moons ago. My thinking changed with some lessons along the way https://twitter.com/susanthesquark/status/1281854222951002112
Headline: I reframed the daunting task of finding mentors to looking for mentoring moments. I democratized access to experience and knowledge and benefited greatly from the experiences of so many who were willing to share their stories. A little background on the journey:
In my early 20s, I had great bosses who gave me a shot and provided coaching along the way. I had done more than many by that time, and knew I needed outside perspective to continue to learn and grow. I read and heard about the importance of outside 'Mentors'.
I had a desire to learn, and a ton of potential, but, my story up to that point was "child of a single parent and alcoholic father, college drop out, who worked at Hooters"...not exactly the optics of a "high potential mentee (or mentor for that matter)". Mentors felt daunting.
At 24, I joined a prof. development organization w/ a formal mentoring program. I filled out the bio, paid the small fee, completed orientation& was matched w/ a mentor. We met 1x/month for a year. We learned from each other, and then it was over. I thought, 'is this it?'
While I learned the technicalities of mentoring, I was left wanting that meaningful experience that so many spoke of. At the same time, I became skeptical that this fabulous, allusive mentoring thing was even real and convinced it was not accessible. So I hacked it...
I reframed it & broke it down into its parts. I focused more on mentorING than mentORS. The act of learning from others being the priority over finding "THE person". I started pursuing mentoring moments: asking many people for their perspectives. I started each chat this way:
"I am dealing with/working on "X" (be specific). I know/heard you have experience with this. I would love to hear your story, perspective & any advice you have." Then listen. Ask clarifying questions if there's time. Let it color my thinking. Send thank you note after.
I learned the pattern: have the humility to ask and listen and the courage to put it into action. If it made an impact, I always gave that person credit and send them a thank you note. I asked students, peers, managers, strangers, and yes, sometimes successful leaders.
This expanded the universe of possible mentoring moments, and over time, I built great relationships with people all around me by valuing their perspectives and honoring how it helped me. And sometimes, those people who offered me quick perspective became go-tos for other topics
They organically became what some call mentors - but without the pressure and programs. In communities of systemic inequality, the mentoring concept can be even more daunting - all the more reason to build a muscle to give and receive mentoring moments and learn from each other
This is NOT A knock on mentoring programs, but it is a workaround for those for whom it is (or seems) inaccessible, as @susanthesquark put it, like a mythical creature.
Mentoring Moments is also a concept of building the muscles of humility and curiosity to ask and listen, the courage to answer and act and the confidence to give ourselves (and others) permission to change and grow by learning from others.
...did a little video on this topic in 2016 - outside of the cheesy intro music and the reference to millennials, it holds up https://www.linkedin.com/learning/why-mentoring-matters/mentoring-moments
