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One of the reasons criticism is so hard to shake for a young or insecure leader...
BTW, I have been both and at times am still both....
Is because as often as not, the criticism has truth in it.
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BTW, I have been both and at times am still both....
Is because as often as not, the criticism has truth in it.
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Some people precisely see the faults, pinpointing the things you know are deficient in your leadership or organization.
But they aren't carrying the weight of it, they haven't exhausted themselves for it, so it feels to you like a cheap shot.
It is a cheap shot.
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But they aren't carrying the weight of it, they haven't exhausted themselves for it, so it feels to you like a cheap shot.
It is a cheap shot.
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Because you're often well aware of these very deficiencies, the criticism stings more.
The unfair dynamic the critic doesn't know or care about is the blood sweat and tears it takes to get even where you and your org is now.
Maybe they read a book or heard a TED talk
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The unfair dynamic the critic doesn't know or care about is the blood sweat and tears it takes to get even where you and your org is now.
Maybe they read a book or heard a TED talk
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But they've never built anything. I remember exasperated with one particular ongoing critic, I finally blurted out, 'if you were leading this place there would 5 people attending.'
Not my finest hour, but I'd had enough. We weren't intellectually stimulating enough for hom
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Not my finest hour, but I'd had enough. We weren't intellectually stimulating enough for hom
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But we weren't just reaching intellectuals, we wanted to reach all manner of folks and he wanted a club of people like him. Kept pointing out all the flaws, but hasn't led, hasn't built anything. But because some of criticism rang true, it hit deeper.
Sheesh, man.
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Sheesh, man.
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Some talk about team health like they've never fought for it. A healthy team is not a team that is healthy, it is a team that continues to strive toward health.
Saying you're a healthy team is like saying you're a humble team. You were until you declared it!
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Saying you're a healthy team is like saying you're a humble team. You were until you declared it!
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I recall a famous pastor once dubbing himself as "the Creative Pastor" in the late 90s and I remember thinking, 'well, you used to be until you coined yourself as it.'
Anyway, health is elusive and a lifelong quest, and this coming from an EH obsessed leader.
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Anyway, health is elusive and a lifelong quest, and this coming from an EH obsessed leader.
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Seeing what is wrong is the lowest hanging fruit of leadership. I see it too. Show me that you can build what is right and after a few years trying, show me your B- effort to reach that goal. THAT is the leader I respect. THAT is the critic I want to hear from.
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One of my most painful lessons in early leadership was, because I was so insecure and wanting to do it all right and idealistic, I attracted uninvolved critics who freely shared issues. Heck, at this church, before I even came here to start...
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...I received an email from a former member - he'd already left. He outlined all the issues that he required me to fix before he'd return.
What the actual heck is that???
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What the actual heck is that???
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I was insecure, but wasn't an idiot, even back then. I replied that he should most certainly stay away, that the Body of Christ is flawed people of goodwill doing their best, learning as we go, making mistakes. I assured him I'd be making way more mistakes to come.
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Some critics move into intentional or unintentional bullying and you're feeding them by listening or 'I'll work on that' or 'Tell me more, I want to do it right.'
You'll often not do it right. They wouldn't either, if they were leading.
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You'll often not do it right. They wouldn't either, if they were leading.
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It is possible that they would do it much worse, or not make it this far in your chair. Or maybe they actually would do it better than you, but God has you in the chair and God is able to kick you out of the chair if God so wishes.
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I've prayed the "God, please kick me out of the chair" prayer more than a few times in my leadership :)
Be kind to yourself, leader. Be faithful, admit mistakes, learn, grow, put yourself out there again.
And surround yourself with kind people. Discern which is which
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Be kind to yourself, leader. Be faithful, admit mistakes, learn, grow, put yourself out there again.
And surround yourself with kind people. Discern which is which
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Criticism is no joke in leadership. I'm an HSP I'm prone to feel deeply, but people who don't feel it deep pay a price.
I've learned to be suspicious of leaders who say, 'I'm one of those people who it never bothers.'
I always look to a nearby spouse for confirmation :)
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I've learned to be suspicious of leaders who say, 'I'm one of those people who it never bothers.'
I always look to a nearby spouse for confirmation :)
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You're leading in, ahem, UNPRECEDENTED times. Sorry for the PTSD of consultants emailing you to help you through it :)
Keep breathing, learn to manage the 'usual suspect critic' and carry on good ma'am and good sir.
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Keep breathing, learn to manage the 'usual suspect critic' and carry on good ma'am and good sir.
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