Should we have a chat about what gaslighting actually is? Yes? Okay, here goes: https://twitter.com/jewishfemmenist/status/1281942213325459456

The first thing to be aware of is where the term comes from. It’s a reference to the 1944 film, Gaslight (adapted from a 1938 play), in which Charles Boyer’s character convinces Ingrid Bergman’s she’s going mad in order to get away with murder and theft.

He did this by convincing her that the gaslights dimming, noises in the attic, things going missing, etc. are all in her head. He intentionally manipulates her into not trusting herself in order to get what he wants from her.

Understanding this background gives a good foundation for identifying gaslighting in real life.

Saying “I don’t agree with your stance on this and here’s why” is NOT gaslighting.

Saying “your memory of your experience is wrong and you’re making it all up” IS gaslighting.

So, again, disagreeing with someone is not gaslighting. Telling someone their actual lived experience didn’t happen is gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a real, toxic manipulation tactic used to undermine someone’s trust in themselves and make them question their sanity. With this in mind, simply suggesting someone’s experience is remembered inaccurately is NOT gaslighting.

Insisting that they are making things up in an attempt to convince them their own recollection can’t be trusted IS gaslighting.

Suggesting another perspective through which to interpret a memory or experience is NOT gaslighting.

Saying outright that what the person saw/heard/felt never happened and doesn’t exist IS gaslighting.

So, to reiterate:

gaslighting ≠ disagreeing

gaslighting = psychological manipulation