#TheChroniclesOfAssholes
In the land no so far away, there was a Congress infested by parasites killing its host, the Orient's Pearl. At its helm was the vigorous and mighty, Peter The Tick, projected to be righteous but a great pretender.
https://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/inside-track/254146-lord-alan-peter-cayetano-speaker-painting-lawmakers-praying-over-him

He would stop at nothing to reach his aim for our ambitious fellow seized every moment at the expense of his principles not that he had them to begin with.

You probably remember him as Boy Kaldero who chaired the Philippine SEA Games Organizing Committee that spent 50M for a legendary magical cauldron arguing that it was necessary. Could it be using for cooking too?
https://www.cnn.ph/videos/2019/11/19/Cayetano-defends-SEA-Games-budget,-%E2%82%B150-M-cauldron.html

The pre-taped lighting of the torch by Manny the Homophobic Enabler #AnotherAsshole

Now here are some fun facts about our magical Kaldero

When he was appointed as foreign secretary, he became the number 1 defender of the POGOs’ Patron for the #DrugWar overseas saying it was to prevent the Philippines from becoming a “narco-state,” it had also helped protect the rights of every Filipino.
https://verafiles.org/articles/why-its-finally-cayetano-dfa

Here he was addressing the @UN with pure bullshit!

He argued "We value the sanctity of life. We are a religious people...Our war against illegal drug is not a war against life...It is not a war against human rights." #Hypocrite
https://globalnation.inquirer.net/170126/cayetano-defends-dutertes-drug-war-un-general-assembly#ixzz6RsW5lCCu

As an obedient soldier, he led the crafting of the joint exploration in the WPS with the Chinese. “I’ve been informed that they (China) already have their working group. So when I do go to Beijing, we'll be discussing a framework,” he told reporters.
https://globalnation.inquirer.net/169106/cayetano-sign-framework-deal-china-joint-exploration#ixzz6RsXl98iE

It was in exchange for loan grants by Xi the Pooh, making it appear like a barter trade, China got our territory. Digong got the money but we would the ones to pay for them in generations to come. It was a WIN, WIN, SCREW YOU Philippines. #TutaNiPooh

He didn’t get what he wanted though. Peter’s Poon expected US$9 billion but had only US$924 million in loans and grants. Naisahan ka, ghurl?
https://www.scmp.com/week-asia/politics/article/3034666/china-promised-duterte-us9-billion-infrastructure-hes-had-only

In politics, there are no permanent friends or enemies, just permanent interests – and Peter The Tick and Madam Glory are proof of that. They were once nemeses but since our dear Peter wanted to be Speaker, he counted the madam’s approval.
https://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/inside-track/254117-foes-allies-fierce-critic-alan-cayetano-woos-gloria-arroyo

When hatred turned to love for they both needed each other.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4175632.stm

Cue in the music: "Oh yes I am great pretender..."

Being the ultimate parasite, he and his wife both ran for congressional seats making politics their family business. Which begs the question: do they still live together in the same house? #ToBeContinued
https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2018/10/17/1860826/alan-lani-cayetano-both-gunning-house-seats