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With my IRL play and dating, I do love cnc / nonconsent / reluctance play.
But only after I’ve heard that they like me being sexy-mean about 10000 times for 10000 littler things first.*
*slight exaggeration
It’s OK as a dominant to feel unsure of yourself with a new partner 1/
But only after I’ve heard that they like me being sexy-mean about 10000 times for 10000 littler things first.*
*slight exaggeration
It’s OK as a dominant to feel unsure of yourself with a new partner 1/
The more SPECIFICALLY you negotiate, the more free you are to play!
Discuss how you both want to feel. Discuss soft limits in depth. Discuss words that are OK & not OK. Discuss eeeeeverything.
When the “what if they don’t like it?!” fear goes away, then you can really shine!
Discuss how you both want to feel. Discuss soft limits in depth. Discuss words that are OK & not OK. Discuss eeeeeverything.
When the “what if they don’t like it?!” fear goes away, then you can really shine!
Subs/bottoms esp. to female-raised doms/tops:
social conditioning to be “nice” runs deep + years of men flipping from nice to “imma kill u ugly bitch” if we do anything *wrong*
You want them “mean”? Praise, reinforce, thank, thank again when they do little sadistic/harsh things
social conditioning to be “nice” runs deep + years of men flipping from nice to “imma kill u ugly bitch” if we do anything *wrong*
You want them “mean”? Praise, reinforce, thank, thank again when they do little sadistic/harsh things
Nothing complicated. I suggest:
Don’t just start acting reluctant without specifically mentioning it for that scene (until you’re well versed in each other)
Thank them again later — that night, the next day, “hey that was so hot when you did blah blah blah! Thanks!”
Don’t just start acting reluctant without specifically mentioning it for that scene (until you’re well versed in each other)
Thank them again later — that night, the next day, “hey that was so hot when you did blah blah blah! Thanks!”
Even if you’ve both discussed that you like cnc in general, if you’re having sexy funtimes and then suddenly start resisting, saying no, going quiet, acting grumpy, being excessively bratty, etc — this can make a dominant feel confused, unsure if you’re playing or truly unhappy
Even if that does happen, the answer is (as always) to stop the scene & communicate 
But all the better for everybody if you can learn some tips to prevent that confusion in the first place
And then over time you just might end up with the cruel dominatrix of your dreams
But all the better for everybody if you can learn some tips to prevent that confusion in the first place
And then over time you just might end up with the cruel dominatrix of your dreams
People think “they can say no and I’ll keep going unless they safeword!” but as a dom, would you feel comfortable continuing to force them if your sub:
Said “I really hate this”
Pulled away
Started crying
Yelped “ouch!”
Cursed at you: “fuck you!” Etc
—
Negotiate that shit
Said “I really hate this”
Pulled away
Started crying
Yelped “ouch!”
Cursed at you: “fuck you!” Etc
—
Negotiate that shit
Most of this was aimed at subs encouraging their tops to be harsher but responsibility lies both ways!
Doms, if you’re nervous, don’t just pussyfoot around. Use your words.
-I need you to tell me afterward what you liked/disliked
-I need encouragement
-warn me before you resist
Doms, if you’re nervous, don’t just pussyfoot around. Use your words.
-I need you to tell me afterward what you liked/disliked
-I need encouragement
-warn me before you resist
