I want to sit on a train with a selection of paperbacks I've been meaning to get to for quite some time and my tea-thermos and a raspberry and coconut bake from the shop. And lay out all my things on the table and hog the plug socket.

I want to ask the person sitting across from me to guard my hoard of books, notebooks, biros, sharpened pencils, napkins, thermos and foods while I 'nip to the loo' at least twice.

What ALWAYS happens is that a man is somehow offended there is a woman reading and not paying him sufficient attention, so there's an irritating need to deal with that and I am not always as kind as I want to be, and feel bad about it, and I miss that aspect of trains too.

I want to plan to do some writing on the train, and open my notebook to a blank page, but then just stare out of the window, or use the window to stare at the people sitting opposite.

I want a hen party: fizzy wine and shiny sashes and perfume and cheeky vapes when no-one is looking and utter drunken foolery at 11am and me pretending to be annoyed because I am on the train and TRYING TO READ but secretly jealous of women who can have friends like that.

I want to stare at the hands of the person next to me and wonder about them. Be able to see their text messages and the little numbers they write in the margins of the newspaper and see the little stain on the knee of their jeans and in all this intimacy not make eye contact once

Anyway. Here endeth the thread of me being quite sad and missing trains.

Except to say: I would be a brilliant writer in residence for any train that would have me and would almost certainly do it for free or at least free + full use of the onboard refreshments trolley and / or shop.

I WILL NEVER TAKE TRAINS FOR GRANTED AGAIN.