Thread by @Jacklifear, A few weeks, I was asked a by a kid/friend. (high school [...]

A few weeks, I was asked a by a kid/friend. (high school age) "What happens if I made a mistake and my life is destroyed by it?"

A very hard story to share and a long thread.

Disclaimer: He and his family are not only okay with me sharing this, but have requested I share it in a anonymous fashion.

There is conversation about emotional trauma, acute depression, & situations parents can be terrified to imagine.

I asked him to tell the story: "A girl was interested in me, so we went on a date. I tried to kiss her and she rejected me. I apologized, and the date kinda flopped from there, very awkward, she seemed scared. I offered multiple times to call mom to get her home early, etc."

"After we went home, she reached out on discord afterwards. Said she had a nice time and sorry she was nervous. She was just interested in being friends. I said 'Totally good! You need space?' and she said that it would be nice and I totally gave it. It hurt, but I get it"

"So I hang with friends, give her space, say hi to her 2-3 times for the rest of the in-building school year. Distance learning started. So that was that. I get a message last week asking why I was stalking her? Dude! I've been home in quarantine for months."

"Turns out, she saw me at the grocery store when we were both with our mothers. I didn't even know she was there. But she did that 'every time I turned around, there you were thing' thing. I didn't have a clue. I was upset with my mother for pulling me along. I wished I was home"

"So I'm looking at the discord message, trying to figure out how to reply without looking like an ass. 'I didn't see you at all.' is hard to tell a girl who just accused you of stalking out of nowhere. But I said the truth, and that got her more mad cause I was lying suddenly."

"I told her it was the truth, found myself blocked, and over the last week I've been kicked out of group discords with friends and have had a lot of people mad at me cause I'm a creep, they're just believing her. How do I fix this?"

So I asked him some basic questions:
"Have you told them your side of the story?"
- "I tried, they won't let me."

"Are your close friends listening?"
- "They won't cause they don't want to associate with
stalkers"

"If you could ask me one question, what would you ask?"
- "What could I have done to realize I was a bad person before it was too late?"

"What makes you believe you're a bad person?"
- "It's obvious, I guess I'm a stalker..."

"It's obvious, or you guess?"
- "I don't know, I honestly didn't see her, I wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for my mother. I want to be mad at her, but it's not her fault."

"Would you believe me if I told you that you might not be a bad person?"
- He just starts sobbing

I waited for a bit, and he said something that really hit the gut. "If I actually leaned in, I'd get it more.. but all I did was ask"

So I was confused and asked him to elaborate. "Well, I only asked her if I could kiss her. She said no. So I didn't. That's how this started"

I asked if he really thought he was a stalker: "Well, I can't tell her I don't believe her, even though I was there. You're not allowed to disbelieve someone with an accusation. It's not right, right?"

^^ The above line is almost verbatim to what he said.

After these lines I asked to speak with his mother, who was not aware of this situation and even said she was with them in the mall all of the time, at a distance. She suspected it went poorly and she dumped him.

She didn't know that the girl was in the grocery store when asked.

I suggested she may want to talk to the girl's parents to see how that was going, she agreed. I got an update later that the girl was trying to get her parents to bring her to the police. After the conversation happened, both sets of parents setup a zoom call to talk it all out

The results, the boy's side of the story was true. But she adamantly felt like he'd been stalking her after distance learning started. She still believed that the grocery store proved that she was right about being stalked.

Mother knew boy was home daily. Girl lives miles away.

Mom asked me "Can you believe this?" I said "Yes". She was really confused. I explained:

I believe the boy didn't stalk her.
I believe he did try to do right.
I believe she is deeply affected by the date.
I believe she may have untreated trauma because of it.
I believe both.

I explained that just because the situation was misunderstood, her emotions and the impact upon them may be equally misunderstood. There is a world where he was innocent, was fully respectful, but she still experienced a traumatic situation that her emotions need to process.

The mother then asked about Twitch. So I explained it. She asked if I knew [Name of wonderful broadcaster on Twitch]. To which I kinda froze, "Yes." She said on the conversation, that girl couldn't stop thinking about the date after she read their story. "She had to tell others"

So the conversation went on, but I kept thinking of my own kids and the original question: "What happens if my kids made a mistake and they thought their life is destroyed by it?" Then I thought realistically "What happens if they worried they destroyed someone else?"

Let's be honest, as kids, I think we've all thought those phrases. It's an awkward time of learning, anxiety, mistakes, shifting social dichotomies, emotional growth, rumors, popularity, trauma, personal growth and dealing with misunderstandings

For better, and worse.

So weeks go by, and yesterday, I get a ping on discord on the kid's account, it was his mother asking to talk again with an update and request. I casually agreed.

After a quick pleasant thank you, I was informed he just got out of the hospital for a suicide ideation.

It seems that the friends and the girl treating him like a stalker left a deep emotional impact on him. So when he, a good kid, tried to think of ways to fix it, but couldn't cause the friends wouldn't talk to him, he "finally came to terms with a way he could fix it."

The mother wanted to make sure I was up to date on the situation, and thanked me so much about talking to her. If I hadn't, she couldn't imagine how this could have ended up. He's doing well since the hospital she says, but I know she'll not be able to sleep for months.

The girl and her family visited him as much as his family. I was told she cried a lot and both apologized. They're both good kids.

They asked me to share this story because it had a chance to help other kids or parents who could face something likewise complicated or hard to deal with. Maybe it could help them see signs, or save a life.

I'm sharing because it's a good example how things aren't always black and white, and often shades of grey and perception. And I think that others, especially other parents, would appreciate the perspective as they deal with their own teenage children.

Parenting can be hard.

All of our words, digital, personal or written can leave a deep impact on those around us. Acknowledging that is a big deal to think before you speak sometimes.

Not saying people shouldn't speak, but sometimes it's easy to forget that when it's 240 chars and click tweet...

So be kind to each other, and remember that behind every message you accept or block, there is a human being (most of the time) on the other end.

I can't even give a nice "lesson to learn" line to end this on. It's just an unfortunate and hard situation to swallow.. ya know?

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