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Hello turns out three years of life changing stress and being stuck on your own can break your brain. I have edible dopamine now and don't wish I was dead anymore. Still p bad, but grumpy bad, not suicidy bad.
Sorry for being an embarrassing gremlin!!!
Sorry for being an embarrassing gremlin!!!
Medication they normally give people with alzheimers??? Dont mind if I do.
For my mentally ill friendos: The one thing it is hard to comprehend when you dont get to see both sides it just how different it feels to be going through hard times when your brain equipment is broken vs being a "normal" person going through hard times.
I go through phases of beating myself up terribly for not being able to cope and, basically, live more when ever anything bad happens. Especially when I see other people in similar circumstances who seem to be getting on with things.
The difference now, having had some dopamine literally pushed in to my brain to make up for what it has just *stopped making*, and on tuesday when I was running on neurotransmitter fumes, is huge. I literally was crying on someone and shaking because I was so scared. Now Im ok.
The difference between dealing with ~the world~ two days apart, with and without functioning brain equipment is huge. Nothing has changed in my material circumstances. My brains ability to process and react has.
If you find yourself, mentally ill to any degree, going "Why am I finding this so much harder?" and then disbelieving that not being uber depressed would make much difference because you cannot experience the same scenario without being mentally ill and gain personal experience:
Take it from me, they could not be more different. Night and day, black and white, the writing of Battlestar Galactica Season 1 vs Season 4. World's apart, a different universe.
You are struggling and suffering more because your equipment isn't working, not because you are weak
You are struggling and suffering more because your equipment isn't working, not because you are weak
Right now I still feel worn out and sad. I miss people, I miss sports, Im anxious about making career choices and life choices. But I am not all consumed by the things going on, I can disengage from them without hypervigilance chewing my mind to pieces.
I think of people who've come up in recent events, disappointments to varying degrees, and I feel sad and maybe even angry. I dont feel an all encompassing hopelessness and disproportionate fear, I can think of something else instead of ruminating pointlessly.
Emotional responses and perception are not objective. They are hugely - HUGELY - dependent on your physical equipment and how much you've been worn down already. If you're depressed, have anxiety, OCD, whatever, and you are comparing yourself to other people?
If you're depressed, have anxiety, OCD, whatever, and you are comparing yourself to other people? You are running a race with a bullet hole in your chest and then going "Why can't I keep up with these runners who haven't been shot? Why am I racing instead of tending to this?"
Tldr; Now I only wonder about the mouthfeel of a gun barrel because I have a sophisticated palette and enjoy rich metallic notes in my food
