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In 2017 when I began my transition, my friend and collaborator Michelle Law cut me out of her life, other than what was necessary to complete Homecoming Queens, and furthermore questioned and made me feel guilty for the impact that the timing of my transition
had on the marketing of the show. When I raised this with her she said that her cutting me out of her life didn't have anything to do with my transition but rather that she had had to do extra work on Homecoming Queens. When I sought to clarify this (because our writing processes
were set up to make sure that we both did equal work - passing scripts back and forth etc.) the example she gave was that she had to do an extra pass of the scripts towards the end of development when I went to visit a friend in Canberra. My friend was having surgery for a brain
tumour, the results of which have meant she lives with chronic illness for the rest of her life. While I was in Canberra, Michelle offered to do another script which I gratefully accepted as I was spending most days at the hospital with my friend without much time or space
to write. When we released HQ I had to sit through interviews with Michelle based on our 'friendship'. I remember being on triple J and gen fricker asking if there was ever any tension working with a friend and Michelle responding "whenever the writing process was difficult
I just thought about all the people with chronic illness who this show would be meaningful to" and I had to nod along thinking about the fact that she had cut me out, apparently because she felt put upon having to do extra work while I visited a chronically ill friend.
When HQ was promoted, more and more Michelle and Corrie only discussed their collaborative relationship and didn't correct journalists who referenced it as being created by them, or by Michelle alone. After being shot down in our group message for raising this, I just accepted it
even as I felt hurt by it. Eventually, last year, I posted a message on instagram about how I felt about that show. About how much I enjoyed the writing process but how hurt I had been across its release. I made sure not to be inflammatory or unkind, still not knowing or being
clear what her side of things had been and so making sure I only spoke to my experience. Before I posted this message I felt deeply confused by what had happened with HQ but I had been accepted into GUQ in Australia, edited by Ben, I had sent him a message on Facebook thanking
him for including him and he responded kindly. When I posted my message on Instagram, I didn't hear from Michelle, Corrie or Ben, and Ben unfollowed me on all social media (Michelle and Corrie already had). Leaving me with the impression that I was accepted if I stayed silent
but blacklisted if I spoke out about my experience. I had over that period, the distinct impression that by coming out as trans I was something Michelle didn't really understand, and she didn't like being made to look dumb, so she avoided me completely or pretended I didn't exist
Whether that was accurate or not, it was the strong impression I had and it was never respectfully rebutted. My being trans felt like it was a great personal inconvenience for her. I have been hurt by my exclusion from HQ for many years. I try not to talk about it because when I
have I get the impression no one really cares, even though people had noticed, unprompted, my exclusion from media around HQ. Someone at a party once said to me "I think what Michelle did to you was awful but I can't not support her because she is very powerful in our community."
I don't think people should be cancelled! I do believe in community accountability. I don't think the Laws hold themselves to the same standards they hold others and the hypocrisy hurts me on an admittedly personal level but concerns me on a community level.
I am totally fine. Sometimes I think to myself boo-hoo that you didn't get as much credit on that show, who gives a shit, it's just an sbs web series? But it's a show based significantly on the worst time of my life. To cut me out of the credit for it is cruel and selfish.
She never spoke to me about the breakdown of our relationship, but I later found out she told mutual friends that we were no longer friends because I was jealous of her success as a writer. It's a futile thing to rebut but I assure you my aspirations don't match hers in any way.
I saw Ben respond to a tweet earlier that said in his family they step up and own their mistakes. But even if there is a totally reasonable explanation for the way Michelle treated me, isn't it also reasonable for me to have felt hurt at that time?
Wouldn't the accountable thing be to check in on someone who claims to have been hurt by you or your family member and reflect on your own actions? A relationship break down of any sort takes two. Instead, contact just got cut off.
Sometimes when I've talked to friends about this experience they have advised me that behaviour this ingrained will come out over time. And I have responded that I don't think it will because I just don't think Michelle will ever collaborate with a trans person again.
I think she will avoid what she doesn't understand because she doesn't like to be wrong. I think that is reflected in her apology today which she says she makes without reservations but peppers with the same justifications she has called others out for (repeating that it was many
years ago, implicating collaborators, removing it albeit recently). Community accountability is important and I think looking to celebrities (even Australian ones) for moral guidance stands is not a sustainable structure for accountability.
I don't know what the point of this thread is. I just get so tired sometimes, as I'm sure we all do, of pretending things are fine when they're not.
