Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

10th July 1665

Up, and I having a little anger about Hartley-Brewer already, she taking too little care and spilling my chamber pot across the breakfast victuals. After, I am in high-viz and out with Matt Hancock

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for our weekly Clamp for Carers and this day we abroad to Basildon General and there did our business of wheel-clamping the carriage of an auxiliary nurse whose fourteen hour shift was unforeseeably extended by the admission of a super forecaster with a

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perforated bladder, and that she did complain of one of the lowest wages in the hospital whilst doing some of the hardest work in it, we calmly repeated our Johnson’s wisdom that she should have followed procedures, and most jobsworthlike directed her to the

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parking charges information board; Thence to Southend University Hospital where a student nurse, two porters and a surgeon snared and this is grayte sport, we charging them 100/. for the privilege of working late and after, to celebrate Admiral Graylings appointment as head

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of our intelligence committee, TGI Fridays where judicious use of Sunak’s vouchers and ordering of the correct meal combos sees they are compelled to pay us to eat there; and we had very good discourse with the Loan Arranger about how he will be the next Prime Minister

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once the Johnson is bored of this private school pastime of Eton us alive and further mirth, that with Admiral Grayling’s only job being the suppression of the Russia Report, we hear he hath it leather bound and circulated throughout the land, that as the corona plague’s

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transmission depends on the density of the populace, this Report's transmission relies on the density of the populist. Half a tray of All Gold stolen from a nurse's station. Bed.

With many thanks to @sophieplowden for this most excellent image of post TGIs satisfaction.