i'm going to make fun of everyone who signed the letter are you ready?

matt taibbi, ya square headed bitch, you should have shaved ya head years ago, you weren't fooling anyone with that thinning hairline of yours

zephyr teachout, are you dumb? btw stop following everyone on twitter ya follow list look like that chocolate rain guy

salman rushdie, you look like a fucking frog and i have no idea how you sucker all these sexy women into marrying you. fuck you and also how do you do it

bari weiss i've heard you're very charming in person. hmmmm like A SNAKE okay this wasn't my best one

noam chomsky, you married a woman half your age, forcing everyone to wonder "does noam chomsky fuck?". man, fuck you specifically for that, with your wrinkly ass.

fareed zakaria, you look like a vampire. you look like if mohammad ali was deflated. you have too many teeth. your eyes are particularly dead.

thomas chatterton williams, chatterless

aw fuck, arlie russell hochschild signed it? i don't have a joke for that one, that just plan sucks.

todd gitlin, you cia plant looking motherfucker. you were sds president and now you think bds is a step too far? you fucking sellout piece of shit. also all your books suck and your lips are too thin! hoe!

mark lilla, author of awful book the once and future liberal. the fuck is that title? so now you're biting authurian legend just to prop up your shitty conservative takes? why don't you go watch Merlin (2008 TV Series) staring Colin Morgan and Bradley James and jerk off ya fuck

katha pollitt, i have it on good authority that you're a nightmare to work for, every intern you've ever had hated your guts, and your breath stinks like old cheese. i might have made the last one up but ya still busted!!!!

david brooks has hater energy and is probably a gemini

olivia nuzzi, you should nuzzexist

margaret atwood, the 2nd & 3rd seasons of handmaid's tale sucked fucking ass! i know you didn't write them but i still want you to know that! asshole!

okay, I genuinely have no joke here, I am legitimately fucking thrown. my MOTHER SIGNED THE LETTER WHAT THE FUCK. MOM WHAT THE FUCK

i'm calling home immediately WHAT THE FUCK MOM

goddammit she derailed my hilarious joke thread just like she derailed my childhood!!!!!!!! (jk i love you mom but WHAT THE FUCK)

*sobs* mom, your face *sobs* you uh *sniffles* your hair is *tears leak out*

HOW THE FUCK DOES MY MOTHER EVEN KNOW WHAT CANCEL CULTURE IS LMAOOOOOOOOOO

Hey Deirdre McCloskey! you! uh! you have! okay no the energy is gone jesus christ mom you ruined it!!!!!!!