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1/5 Tonight I proper cried. Not cried for a while. Like proper ‘it hurts’ cry. It started due to pain but then it all came out. A feeling of anger, frustration. For those moments heads tilt & they say ‘here’s trouble’ or ‘here comes cheeky’ or the tut as I navigate my chair on
2/5 to a bus, train, tram. The looks & whispers when you weren’t expecting me in a workshop. Being filmed by strangers as I go by in my chair. Seeing eyes roll during zoom meetings when we mention access & the importance of our voices during this time. Friends fighting for care
3/5 packages. My fear for my own benefit being cut. Peers receiving DNR’s with no choice. That feeling of never being deeemed good enough. Being tired as you put in 150% so you aren’t seen as a failure but your inner critic never allows you to enjoy how far you’ve come. Bored of
4/5 being a tick box & no legacy. That work opportunities for disabled people are still pretty limited. Will the world ever change? My fear for the next generation when lots of them hate the word ‘disabled.’ Ashamed by it.The word that makes total sense to me & links
5/5 me to many amazing people.I know I’ll sleep now in this state of lowness. I will wake Tmrw with this feeling on repeat. But will the tears still come or have I put a plaster over it. Enough to hold it in til next time. We shall see. #disablism
