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This is an old joke, not my own, but my grandad used to tell it and I'd like for it to have a new life. It will work better if you're British, or if at least you are aware of what a bus conductor is.
Hope you enjoy the read. All I ask is that you tell it to at least two others
Hope you enjoy the read. All I ask is that you tell it to at least two others
There was a boy who grew up loving buses. He had toy buses everywhere of every type. He loved the old routemasters with a platform at the back where the conductor would stand and sell tickets. He had posters of them on his walls and would draw buses in every art class
When he grew up he never lost his love of buses and decided he would like to be a bus conductor and sell tickets to the public. He finished school, applied for the job and got it. His dream come true he speny his early adulthood as a well known face around town, cheerfully
Selling tickets to the regular customers.
All was well
Until one day the strangest thing happened. He had no idea why but an irresistible urge swelled up inside him and he couldn't resist it. He pushed an old lady off the platform and into traffic where she was instantly killed
All was well
Until one day the strangest thing happened. He had no idea why but an irresistible urge swelled up inside him and he couldn't resist it. He pushed an old lady off the platform and into traffic where she was instantly killed
There were numerous witnesses and he was quickly imprisoned and then sentenced to death by electric chair. After many long months on death row where he becomes good friends with other prisoners and even the guards, he is taken to the execution room and given a last request
The executioner introduces himself, and asks what the man would like for his last request. He immediately responds that he would like a nice ripe banana.
The executioner is bewildered but sends out for a nice ripe banana and soon it is presented to the condemned man
The executioner is bewildered but sends out for a nice ripe banana and soon it is presented to the condemned man
He peels the banana and slowly eats it with every sign of enjoyment. He explains that although the banana wasn't as ripe as he had hoped, he is now ready to die. He is strapped into the chair and the executioner flips the switch
Nothing happens. Not even a spark. The man sits calmly, waiting for his death which doesn't come. The executioner is bewildered. He checks the connections and flips the switch two more times and then leaves for a long while
When he returns the man is still sitting calmly in the chair. The executioner explains that he has checked the rules and discovered that if an execution fails, the condemned is allowed to go free
With no previous life experience except being a bus conductor, our man finds a new town and gets himself a new job as a bus conductor again. Once again, all seems well and he becomes a trusted and loved member of the town, but once again, the urge appears from nowhere
And once again, he pushes an old lady under a bus. It is soon discovered that he has previous conviction even though he was released without charge after the botched execution and so after a very short trial he is once again sentenced to the electric chair
To everyone's surprise, when the date arrives, it turns out to be the very same executioner. With a wary tone, the executioner checks every detail three times, checks the man's clothes and skin carefully for any tricks that might allow him to survive.
Finding none, he proceeds and asks what the man would like for his last request. Unsurprisingly, he asks for a nice ripe banana, but insists that it should be much riper than last time, please.
The executioner sends out for a very ripe banana, the ripest that can be found.
The executioner sends out for a very ripe banana, the ripest that can be found.
When one is retrieved, the man sits and peels it, and even though it's almost entirely brown and very unpleasantly soft, he eats it with delight and admits to being ready to die
The executioner surreptitiously makes a few last checks, determined that the same thing won't happen again, satisfies himself that everything is ready and flips the switch.
Nothing happens. The executioner is thoroughly bewildered. He asks what the hell is going on but the man just smiles and gets up and leaves.
Once again, of course, mostly because three is a magic number, the man gets a job in another town as a bus conductor. The whole story repeats; he is a loved and trusted member of the community, happy in his job for many years until one day, now an old man, the urge returns
Once again he commits a foul murder and once again he is sentenced to death by electric chair. This time there is a detailed investigation by many experts, several executioners and engineers and electricians are present to check every last detail when the day arrives
The man, of course, asks for a very ripe banana, please. He again insists that it needs to be extremely ripe, almost rotten. Suspiciously, he is carefully investigated and watched while the request is fulfilled
He is presented with an almost liquid, black banana, revolting to look at, and a little smelly. Under close scrutiny he eats it with every sign of enjoyment and sits back, proclaiming he is now ready to die
Last minute checks are made by a dozen people and then no more time is available. The time has come so the executioner, somewhat hesitantly, flips the switch and NOTHING HAPPENS.
Bewildered beyond belief, the boss executioner, the engineers, the electrician's and scientists
Bewildered beyond belief, the boss executioner, the engineers, the electrician's and scientists
All ask the man "how did you do it?" The man smiles serenely as he gets up. The scientist makes a last minute guess "it's the banana, right? Something to do with high potassium levels?"
The man turns and smiles and replies, very softly "no. I'm just a bad conductor" and leaves.
