I got bored, so here's the story of one of the worst teams ever assembled in the history of Scottish Football.

After bottling the title and promotion to the Premiership in spectacular fashion the season before, the budget was cut. Morton were still expected to be in and around those battling for the league though.

Things didn't quite go to plan.

The summer didn't get off to a great start as star striker Peter MacDonald departed for Dundee, whilst player of the year Michael Tidser (the most talented player Cappielow had seen in years) was sold to Rotherham United for just £50k, after rejecting their first bid of...£50k.

Morton went and splashed the cash. Bringing in players from Germany's 5th tier, the Slovakian leagues, Edusport Academy, Belgian reserve football and even rivals St Mirren.

Dougie Imrie is about the only one remembered fondly.

Kabba Cham arrived from Sint-Truiden and was long rumored to only be there as part of a "business agreement" between the Chairman's sweet manufacturing business and clients in Belgium. He played football like I'd imagine a horse would. His 2 year deal was terminated in February,

Bizarrely, Cham looked like prime Ibrahimovic for one game only, in the Renfrewshire Cup against St Mirren. Bullying them and bagging two goals in a 4-2 win. Also featuring about as satisfying a pre-season goal as you'll ever see from new arrival from Bolton, Reece Hands.

Morton actually won their first league game, 2-0 against Cowdenbeath with Reece Hands bagging again. It would be all downhill from there.

They did advance in the League Cup, only to draw Celtic away. Like running a marathon and getting kicked in the stones at the finish line.

Bodying after bodying arrived in the league, it was time for Celtic. I genuinely thought we could ship double digits if they fancied it (Imagine doing that in a game of football)

Virgil Van Dijk up against Kabba Cham. It'd be a laugh if nothing else.

Lmao we actually won. We actually beat them. With a giant assist from Efe Ambrose, we'd stopped the treble. Celtic had TWENTY SEVEN corners, 67% possession and 25 shots but couldn't find a way past one of the worst defences the second-tier has ever, or will ever see.

French keeper Nico Caraux played so well he was handed a contract extension shortly after. The game could've been played 100 times and Celtic would've won 99 of them. To this day, I don't know how we did it.

Celtic went on to beat Ajax a few weeks later.

How do you spend the cash from the big win? Help fix the leaky defence? Bring in an actual striker?

Nope, sign Nacho Novo for some reason - who had most recently been employed as a tour guide at Ibrox.

He was released on Christmas Eve.

Amazingly, Novo was completely finished and failed to inspire the Ton to any sort of form.

St Johnstone were up next in the cup. They won 1-0 in the 95th minute, after referee john McKendrick ordered a free kick to be retaken. I've never seen seethe like it.

(Side story) A year later I'd started uni, during one of my seminars football came up and I'd said I was a Morton fan. Tutor goes "You'll remember me then"

It was him, the ref, only then did it click. "THAT WAS YOU"?" to the utter bewilderment of everyone else in the room.

The losses kept coming, including a 5-1 hammering at home to Livingston. I don't even think fans booed, they just laughed.

Allan Moore was finally punted, with David Hopkin appointed caretaker - overseeing a 4-0 mauling from Inverness.

Only one man could save us now.

Bless Kenny Shiels. He seemed like a decent guy but you could tell about week into his tenure it was ending badly.

His signings. Hoo boy.

First, the regens. Guys that looked genuinely terrified every time the ball went near them, as if it were a bomb they were volleying about.

When yo're looking for players on Football Manager and see who's been released by English Premier League clubs because "they must be half decent" - that appeared to be Kenny's logic IRL.

Then came the Hollywood signings. Darren Cole, who had astonishingly played Champions League football with Rangers was joined by Rowan Vine, Barrie McKay and... Garry O'Connor.

Derek Riordan was offered a trial too, but failed to show up. Oh what could've been.

Rowan Vine missed the press conference for his unveiling. Phoning Shiels to inform him he'd broken down on the M8 after putting the wrong fuel in his car.

Vine would later be sent off in a crucial relegation decider after sticking two fingers up at Cowdenbeath fans.

Those players all had ability, to a degree. McKay & Vine would combine to tear Dumbarton to shreds later in the season and contribute to Morton's decent form.

They were just very, very, very lazy, so absolutely no use for a relegation fight.

Bad results kept coming, and eventually Dougie Rae just lost the nut completely. O'Connor, the fans, even poor Kenny Shiels.

Shockingly. We didn't do much better after this.

Garry O'Connor scored his only goal for us, fittingly a meaningless one, against Hamilton in a 3-4 loss. I was buzzing for the big man though. It meant the world to him. A fit Garry O'Connor would've scored for fun at our level, it's just sad we never got it.

Results improved a wee bit towards the very end when there was nothing left to play for, even beating eventual champions Dundee. There was (some) optimism Shiels was the right man to clear things out and take us back up from League 1 next season.

Yeah, then we shipped ten goals in a game to Hamilton Accies. Hamilton 10, Morton 2. One of the most absurd, but funniest football matches ever.

Dougie Imrie (who'd already agreed to join Hamilton) scored from near enough the halfway line at some point and nobody even noticed.

Dundee fans, to this day, suspect we took a bribe and laid down to give Hamilton the title. Them paying us to concede goals would've been even more irresponsible than giving money to that Nigerian prince.

It was just the perfect storm.

Shiels resigned. Rae wanted him to stay, but realized nobody would buy a single season ticket if the guy behind THAT was still there.

Players in that team went on to play for Scotland, and Champions League football. The rest? Let us never speak of them ever again, except Dougie