The entire parents in quarantine have it hard ‘debate’ has been bringing up an earthquake of rage in me for some reason. Took me a while to really process it and figure it out. I am a mom, I know down into bones what it means to not have help raising kids-

And to be the exclusive caretaker of children. I’ve talked on here about this before and how I had such resentment over a lot of people around me complaining about how hard it is-

And I know that the earthquake of rage and resentment is not their fault, so I’ve tried to just be quiet and mind my own business. But now that I understand a bit better what is going on-

I want to say that most of the people that are struggling right now are coming from the place of ‘I used to have childcare I paid to take care of these kids for a while so I could get my shit done.’

And THAT is what is pissing me off. I could never afford childcare. I had no family nearby to help. I was in school full time giving birth and taking care of two babies-all on my own.

And I used to organize around the mamihood. I used to organize for childcare collectives and spaces for childcare at conferences and ways to make it so that mothers didn’t have to stay home and thus not be a part of the conversation-

And do you know how many times I was told—BY PRIGRESSIVE FEMINIST PEOPLE—why do we have to deal with this? If you can’t hire a babysitter maybe you shouldn’t have had kids.

And ‘I wouldn’t dream of having kids without having my financial life in order, childcare is a part of that’

And ‘why should *I* have to take care of *your* kids?’

And ‘if you can’t have kids without putting a burden on other people, maybe you shouldn’t be having kids’

And my favorite ‘fine if I have to watch your kids, you better be prepared for me to spank them when they act up.’

The requirement of having a child in pre-COVID world was that you could ‘afford them.’ Which seems reasonable if naive and unrealistic. Except that when it came to questioning things like why Tim wise was getting paid $10,000 a speaking gig and I was paid $200–

Or why white *F*eminists were getting great book deals while the rest of us were told we were just jealous or that we should stop complaining and do it ourselves—

Like—nobody wanted to talk about what THOSE THINGS had to do with me (and others) not being able to afford babysitting.

A lot of these discussions were intertwined with the ‘child free by choice’ discussions. And feminists that had chosen to have children marked their decisions as different and special and in ‘alliance’ with the child free by choice crowd-

By their ability to afford childcare and not have their children be a ‘burden.’ They paid babysitters very well (thank you very much) so they could go out and enjoy a great night at expensive restaurant, why should they have to be concerned with a woman-

Who could afford daycare just to go to work? Maybe she shouldn’t be having kids then. Or maybe she should show a little gumption and find a way to work from home. like THEY had. (Something that was really said to me and oh what an irony)

Who *couldnt* afford.

Having children is a human right. You should be able to and supported in your decision to have kids no matter if you can afford them or not. If we agree with that premise, however, we would have to fundementally restructure US culture.

People get really asshole about the idea of kids as a human right. Their identities are built up around the idea of ‘doing it the right way’ and making it to themat middle class life where they can comfortably afford those children.

But undermining their middle class lifestyle is the precarious reality that COVID is making more obvious right now and that all is poor ass bitches struggling along in poorville with our burdensome kids already knew.

That precariousness means that you lose your job and suddenly you can’t afford those kids anymore. It means, oh whoops, a virus flies through the population and the help can’t help you anymore.

It means that ‘stability’ you built your life on was actually white supremacy and sexism. You could always count on being the white guy paid $10,000 for that gig.

But now you’re just like all the rest of us. COVID made you just like all the rest of us. Stuck at home with your kid that you can’t pay others to take care of for you. And nobody anywheres gives a single shit about it.

What would this entire COVID thing be like if we regarded kids as humans instead of potential burdens? If we had set up society so that having kids was a right and not something you accessorized your middle class lifestyle with?

What would’ve happened if we had addressed systemic injustice with systemic changes instead of individually bootstrapping new rules like ‘no having kids unless you can afford them’ into place?

Side note: the other thing really pausing meoff is how many parents are ready to start a war to make sure school is open and ready to meet in person this fall. There’s been entire articles written about parents needing school for childcare so they can work.

It’s reminding me how many times I’ve been a part of conversations with parents who sit judgement on poor people ‘just dumping their kids off at school’ and ‘using school like a baby sitter’ and not bothering to volunteer or even make sure homework is done. Tsk tsk.

Now that it turns out white and middle class parents also need some place to dump their kids so they can work, it turns out that lack of childcare is a *national crisis* not just a bad choice to have kids you couldn’t afford.

The current situation parents are in is built on several injustices. 1. Children are not quite human beings and are not entitled to be in most spaces. 2. Mothers made the choice to have kids, thus are burdened with primary care taking and finding caretaking alternatives.

3. If children are not welcome in a space, sacrificing mothers participation in that space is a justifiable and necessary sacrifice to ensure space remains child free.

4. The really injustice is that fathers don’t participate in child rearing, NOT points 1, 2, or 3.

5. Don’t have kids if you can’t afford them. 6. Having kids is a choice, always, every single time, period.

There are clearly many other injustices wrapped up in current childcare situation. As we think of and come up with solutions to the COVID childcare ‘crisis’—all of these points need to be on the table and discussed frankly and openly.

Things like pay inequality and brown and black women being expected and socially pressured to not have kids (cuz they can’t afford them) so they can take care of white folks kids.

In other words, decenter white middle class angst that there’s nobody to pay to take care of their kids right now—and center the people that have never had the money to pay for childcare to begin with.

Bcz the solutions that come from doing that? Will 100% ensure that white middle class parents don’t find themselves in a COVID caretaking crisis again.