Dear prospective male OBGYNs:

Can we talk?

I know that you know how awesome our specialty is. And it never get old - I swear, 3500 deliveries later, it never. Gets. Old.

And the surgery? And Quality of Life issues we address with our patients? *Chef's Kiss*

I am sure you are an amazing person and care deeply about the lives of women and their families, but it's also important to understand that not everyone is going to be comfortable with a male OBGYN, whether it's your family, a friend, or patient.

And while you are entitled to feel sad or hurt, remember that other people are entitled to their very valid opinion.

OBGYN has a complicated history of transgressions, from people who practiced their craft on enslaved women, to people enrolled in pill trials without consent.

Not to mention the many male MDs (OB or otherwise) who have abused patients, or simply dismissed a valid health concern under the auspices of "hysteria".

Patients can help being triggered. It's not their fault.

When you encounter a patient who doesn't want to see you, ask:
1) How do I keep this patient safe?
2) What can I do to ensure this patient has agency?
3) How can make this experience better (or less-worse)?
4) If I or the patient declines care, how can I ensure it isn't punitive?

When you encounter social media debates about male OBGYNs and gender preferences, ask:

1) Beyond my hurt, what is this person saying about their experiences with men and or OBGYNS?

2) What can I learn from their experience?

Resist the urge to take it personally.

I'm lucky. I do what I love, I have amazing patients, and I get intrinsic joy from the work I do. I think many of my patients see that, too (sure we have bad days).

You will have no shortage of work, and those who prefer a woman provider will be well-served by your colleague.