Growing up as a female, I wanted to be “cool” but had an internalized sense of inferiority compared to males. I thought my worth & value were the result of male approval/endorsement. I didn’t value the thoughts or opinions of other females in the same way.

Unfortunately in my teen years, the best way to gain this approval was thru having males find me “pretty”. I was quiet & shy on top of feeling inferior; so not much chance of being “cool” by actually being myself.

I don’t think I nurtured or valued female friendships that would have brought actual happiness & kinship into my life. Predictably, ended up with a shitty, older boyfriend. Became quite socially isolated.

It’s painful to think about. I wish I had realized back then that I was worth more. And that female friendships were so valuable. I hope girls don’t go through this today, on top of the other contemporary struggles I know they’re facing.

This low self esteem carried through my early 20s and the first uni degree I completed. At uni, it was nice to get recognized for academic achievements. Things started to turn around for me, then. It was a different way to feel valued: for my thoughts and work.

Recently had a prof who had a big impact on my life call me a “hater” and delete me from Facebook because of the work that I do. Has been painful because this is someone who pushed me along this internal path towards feeling like a valuable person despite being female.

And then he pulls the ‘TWAW you are a bigot’ stuff. Really disappointing. Anyways. It was my path, and I guess it’s just coincidence that someone who helped me think better of females turned out to be a misogynist.

I’m privileged to live in the West, where my life as a girl was so much easier than it was/is for girls in other places. And yet this was my experience. Hard to pinpoint where this feeling of inferiority came from, but nevertheless it was deeply ingrained.