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You know what? I'm in a mood. Let's go.
Choosing to be a parent is, more often than not, a selfish act.
Choosing to be a parent is, more often than not, a selfish act.
How many people decide to have children for any reason other than that they want kids? They think it will be rewarding and fun and feel important. They want to make sure they leave a legacy. They want a non-lonely old age like their parents and grandparents have.
Please note that the operative word in all this is "choose." I understand that's not always how it goes. I'm only talking about the people who make a conscious decision to have children. And I'm not condemning them or their choice! Kids are great.
But this spate of "Childless people can't UNDERSTAND how incredibly DIFFICULT it has been to have to parent all the time!!!!" chatter is galling, if for no other reason than it implicitly casts childless people as the selfish ones when that's the opposite of the truth.
Choosing NOT to have children might not be an act of charity, but at least it does no harm. People who don't have kids are guaranteed not to cause pain or damage or heartache to those kids. And, of course, plenty of people don't choose not to have kids, but rather are unable.
Choosing to have children can bring wonderful results, and selfish reasons don't preclude worthwhile outcomes. A selfish act doesn't have to be an evil one - it just means it's not an altruistic decision. The earth isn't underpopulated - you're having kids because you WANT kids.
This also doesn't mean that raising children is easy or that parents don't have the right to vent about it. But - and here's the thing - parents vent about it ALL THE TIME. It's completely normal. There's no huge anti-parent movement out there coming down on people for it.
On the other hand, try saying one word about the difficulty of being living alone during a pandemic, and see how fast you're shouted down by overwhelmed parents. ( #NotAllParents, yes, but always some parents.) We get it - y'all think you're the real adults and we're mopey teens.
The pandemic has been hard on everyone. And as the sister of an overwhelmed mom, I have a lot of empathy for what parents are dealing with right now. But let's not pretend that people who decide to have children are somehow more complete, worthy humans than those who don't.
...or even that their struggles are greater, rather than just different. You are not a marginalized group - on the contrary, you're the "normal" ones.
So go ahead and vent and ask for help and bend rules and do whatever else you need to do, but please stop complaining that the rest of us just don't understand how hard it is. You're punching down and we're already pretty battered as it is.
