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Whenever someone in the industry commits suicide, I share roughly the same tweet connecting to suicide crisis hotlines as well as a number of short statements I hope will reach those who need to see them, but I've often been one of those people, and it isn't enough, so lets talk.
Depression is subtle. Its tricky and manipulative. It can start small, "Oh, don't respond to that person, they don't care about your garbage problems" and then grow into a mindset that makes you see yourself as the only being in the world who cares about you.
When you don't think anyone else cares about you, you stop caring about you, and you're positive you're right. You are positive that you're worthless. You know for a fact that the word would be a better place without you, or at least nothing would change for anyone if you died.
I can't properly explain to you what that "comfort" feels like, the "comfort" in KNOWING that no one cares about you. It isn't real solace. It's a dull nothingness that slowly creeps into your brain and eventually takes over, leaving you a docile, defeated person.
So then what? The lens you now see your life through just confirms everything you know to be true. Someone insults you online, yep, they're 100% correct. I should be dead. I should get cancer. I am a lying, piece of shit scumbag.
I am worth less.
I am worth less.
If I reach out, will anyone care? Obviously not
Do I matter? Of course not
Am I alone? Yes, no one has come to save me
Do I have options? Not anymore. Its too late
Am I loved? How could I be
Am I someone? How can I be someone when I'm nothing
^ This is what we're up against
Do I matter? Of course not
Am I alone? Yes, no one has come to save me
Do I have options? Not anymore. Its too late
Am I loved? How could I be
Am I someone? How can I be someone when I'm nothing
^ This is what we're up against
Telling us to reach out isn't enough sometimes. Giving us hotline numbers isn't enough sometimes, and saying one liners isn't enough sometimes. So what do you do?
Be there. Check in with your loved ones every so often. Reach out, but don't pester.
Give yourself as an option.
Be there. Check in with your loved ones every so often. Reach out, but don't pester.
Give yourself as an option.
The rest of this is to those who are suffering;
Hey. For years, when I woke up in the morning, my first thought was, "Great. I'm still alive." I remember wanting to die after going to sleep each night, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Praying for it, but then the next day would start.
Hey. For years, when I woke up in the morning, my first thought was, "Great. I'm still alive." I remember wanting to die after going to sleep each night, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Praying for it, but then the next day would start.
When that happens to you, try incredibly hard to remember that you waking up in the morning is a punch in the face to your mental illness. It wants to defeat you. It wants to take everything you have including your very life.
By waking up and even just sitting up in bed, its a huge middle finger to that fuck face piece of shit depression. Everything is awful, you're alone, there are no ways out, but this one thing, you can do this one thing. You can win by sitting up in bed. YOU CAN WIN!
Its a battle of attrition and its going to take everything you have every single day. Is it fair? Of course not. Your life is harder than it should be. You're on a higher difficulty setting, but that's even more reason to shove victory in its face.
It isn't going to change your entire worldview overnight, and it isn't going to cure you, but by sitting up in the morning, and acknowledging that you did it, I guarantee you'll feel something you don't feel too often. Validation. Validation of your existence, your victory.
I can't guarantee that this will apply to everyone with depression as mental illness impacts us all differently, but if you feel alone, you're fucking not. If you feel worthless, you're reading this right now so you've accomplished something today. You have value.
If you don't think there are any options, you're wrong. There are ALWAYS options. They may not be right in front of you, but they're there. There are those who want to help, and even if they can't, they will try their damned hardest, and you'll see they care. We care. I care.
It took medication for me to get right in own head, but that won't be the same for all of you. Maybe medication helps, but maybe therapy is your answer. Maybe both.
Pursuing proper medication and proper therapy or counseling are options you have, and I beg you to pursue them.
Pursuing proper medication and proper therapy or counseling are options you have, and I beg you to pursue them.
If I could get on my knees right now in front of you and beg, I would. Professional help in either of those forms is worth trying.
Worst case scenario you're still drowning in an endlessly deep ocean.
We have nothing to lose because we have nothing. So try. If you can, try.
Worst case scenario you're still drowning in an endlessly deep ocean.
We have nothing to lose because we have nothing. So try. If you can, try.
Thank you for reading this. I hope it helps some of you. I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but the tunnel doesn't last forever. Endure. Sit up in the morning.
Love you all <3
Love you all <3
