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I recently saw the take that demisexuality is offensive because it insinuates that all sexualities are preferences.
This take completely misunderstands asexuality and demisexuality. It is misinformed and perpetuates myths surrounding aspec identities.
This take completely misunderstands asexuality and demisexuality. It is misinformed and perpetuates myths surrounding aspec identities.
Asexuality isn’t about just not wanting to have sex, though there are many asexuals who may not be at all interested in sex and this leads many to research and learn about asexuality. There are also asexuals who like sex. Action =\\= orientation.
Demisexualiy isn’t about “I only prefer sex with a serious relationship”. It’s about sexual attraction ONLY under the circumstance of a close emotional bond. It is not about not liking it not preferring sex, though some demisexuals may not want sex.
It’s a word meant to help people who don’t feel fully asexual and also do not feel that we are allosexual better describe & articulate our experiences. If you believe that it suggests that other sexualities are preferences you are sorely misinformed about asexual identities.
Another word that is similar is graysexual or gray ace, meaning someone who rarely experiences sexual attraction or may experience very low levels of sexual attraction.
None of these sexualities are stamping out other sexualities. In fact aphobia coming from inside the queer community attempts instead to stamp us out, even as we try over and over to explain our experiences to you.
If you honestly believe that demisexuality is saying that we believe your sexual identity is just a preference I urge you to educate yourself about asexuality, demisexuality and gray asexuality. I’ll start you with this thread: https://twitter.com/scretladyspider/status/1278148809126809603
There are many, many more I’ve written but I am not the only asexuality advocate you should be learning from and many other places to learn, here on Twitter alone. Just look for stuff under asexual/demisexual/gray ace that is directed at informing you rather than erasing us.
Demisexuality is not stamping out other sexualities, and when you say it is as we try to share our experiences with you, you are the one stamping out and excluding and gatekeeping. Please learn, I promise the information is there.
I’ve also seen people say that being asexual - as in sex repulsed and never experiencing attraction- is the only way to be a “true asexual”. I’ve seen this from asexuals and allosexuals alike. If you’re saying this, please educate yourself & stop.
Please check out some resources on demisexuality. Here’s a good place to start, it does a really good break down. https://www.seventeen.com/love/a21999166/demisexual-meaning-definition-signs/
Here is some great reading about the asexuality spectrum, which includes demisexuality & gray asexuality: https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community
This takes a look at what it means to be demisexual: https://www.healthline.com/health/demisexual
This takes a look at what it means to be greysexual (also called graysexual, grey ace or gray ace) (why couldn’t we all agree on how to spell grey/gray I’m legit curious about that) https://www.healthline.com/health/graysexual
Here is a link to the Demisexuality Resource Center: http://demisexuality.org/
This is before you even get into that some asexuals may have sex and even enjoy it. There are many ways to to be asexual. No sexual attraction doesn’t necessarily mean an asexual person doesn’t feel neutral towards or even like sex. https://www.bustle.com/p/asexual-people-can-have-sex-lives-heres-what-theyre-like-2436642
All in all; the resources and reading are out there. I can’t make you take the time to learn, but I hope that you do, and that you take the time to try to understand what this is like. We’re here, we’re talking about this and sharing our stories. We’re just asking you to listen.
