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i want to talk about how i identified as a trans man for several years before i realized i didn't need to mutilate my body in order to love myself. (1/?) #detrans #radfem #lgbdropthet #istandwithjkrowling
from a young age i struggled with being overweight, and subsequently, self-image issues. it started with me getting on the internet and discovering the LGBT. at first i didn't question myself; i was undeniably a normal regular straight girl. (2/?)
however, around 12-13 i discovered BL and i started to fetishize gay men. i still wasn't identifying as trans but i would say things like "i wish i was born a boy so i could be gay!". in highschool my confidence plummeted; i was still fat and still low self esteem. (3/?)
i was bullied, so i wanted to be confident with myself, and that confidence i thought i could find in being a guy. i started to identify as nonbinary, it made sense i thought, i have both masculine and feminine traits... or so i made myself believe. (4/?)
i started to id as trans. i wanted to be a guy so desperately that i acted obnoxiously (i didn't know how else i could emulate that careless guy personality.) but i ended up being aggressive about my identity, insisting to my parents that i was a guy, making them depressed. (5/?)
i started wearing boys clothes, none of the them fit me properly. i wanted 2 get a binder but my parent's didn't want me to. they made me see a psychiatrist. she told my parents to accept me the way i am, obviously they didn't like that, said i had other issues to fix first (6/?)
i started seeing a therapist. we worked on my social anxiety and self-esteem, it went well, he was able to help me with those issues. however, when it came to my gender identity he said he wasn't equipped to help me with that and offered to refer me to another therapist. (7/?)
i ended up not going to that other therapist and stopped seing mine too. i suffered silently by myself for another 2 years, but i stopped wearing boy's clothes, and i justified it to myself by saying "they don't fit me and are making me more aware of my female anatomy." (8/?)
last summer i broke down. why wasn't i transitioning? why wasn't anything happening, why was i still suffering? i spent several days crying. after i calmed down i convinced myself that i shouldn't rush things, i have priorities like weight loss, i can transition later (9/?)
this thought kept me calm and sane. i started to present as a girl again. i didn't tell anymore new people, i acted as if i had always been a normal straight girl. i had new friends come out to me as bi, i acted like an ally. the thought slowly came to me- (10/?)
-maybe i wasn't trans... after all. i went back to they pronouns, said i was questioning again... in the meanwhile i discovered r/itsafetish, r/detrans and most importantly, r/GenderCritical. i had yet another breakdown, i wasn't something i thought i was all these years (11/?)
but now i didn't know who i was. i wrote my entire story in a notebook, titled "my story & cry for help", but decided to put it off for a little more while. i calmed down once again, started to think about all the reasons that pushed me into identifying as a gay trans guy (12/?)
my eyes opened, i finally peaked. it was internalized misogyny, more than anything. there were other things too, but mostly that. i thought about how much of a clown i made myself into, how much suffering i caused to my poor parents. (13/?)
r/itsafetish truly opened my eyes. the trans agenda is EVIL. it targets vulnerable teens' insecurities, and i was a victim myself. i am still in the process of accepting myself as a woman, it almost feels like i forgot how to be one. knowing that i don't have to follow (14/?)
sexist stereotypes makes me feel very relieved. i'm a happy combination of traits that are both masculine and feminine like everbody else. if it was only feminine or only masculine, it'd be okay too... but i just am really excited to be wearing skirts and being a happy, (15/?)
cheerful, succesful, talented, brilliant young woman. i'm still working towards that. but i will be that some day very soon.
i don't and shouldn't have to poison my body with artifical hormones to be happy in it. i don't need to remove healthy organs. (16/?)
i don't and shouldn't have to poison my body with artifical hormones to be happy in it. i don't need to remove healthy organs. (16/?)
i don't need to pretend to be something and someone i am not, in order to feel confident or validated. i don't need to take on many health risks and have my lifespan shortened for nothing. i don't need to victimize myself, im perfectly capable of being free in my own skin. (17/?)
for me this will no doubt be through a healthy diet and exercise, and lots of therapy because holy shit do i have a lot to unpack. i will do whatever it takes to be me, and i WILL be me. and i will live to tell my story to those who need to hear it. (18/19)
if you made it this far, thank you. i owe so much to the gender critical community. i could have gone on about being miserable for who knows how many more years, but i am finally breaking free. (19/19)
