Read on Twitter
Pro tip for foreigners who want to thrive in Japan. Knowing the language isn’t enough. You have to adjust your behavior or you will offend people left and right and no one’s going to want to work with you. Being blunt all the time isn’t as great as you think it is.
The foreigners I know who are smugly proud of their bluntness are all hated by the Japanese people who have to be around them. I’m not saying to throw out your values. I’m just telling you to learn Japanese style diplomacy.
I am subtweeting someone who is headed for disaster. I’m not close enough to them to warn them, and I think they’d just be offended and stop talking to if I did. But this person will be certain if their righteousness to the bitter end, I’m sure.
By the way, though I don’t think I was ever obnoxiously blunt, I did make a lot of mistakes and stepped on a lot of toes because I failed to catch warning signs. Even after 15 years. When in doubt, keep your mouth shut, and ask a trusted native friend later what they think.
I did not think this would be controversial, but some folks seem to think I’m subtweeting them and although I don’t know them from Adam, they may be right.
It's all right for a country to be a bad fit for you. Or a bad fit for who you are right now. Or a bad fit for what that country is right now. But if your reaction to having bad experiences in that country is to say "The people of that country are fucked up and evil," #YTA
Let me clarify some things. I's always a good practice to ask yourself (and others) "Am I the asshole here?" but there are of course cases where someone else is absolutely the asshole, and they may be in such a position of power that the situation is hopeless and you should bail.
The single most important thing in any Japanese organization is to have people on your side whose own position isn't fragile. Learn about nemawashi (根回し). I hate nemashi and suck at it, but a certain minimum is necessary, and you can be sure the person you hate is doing it.
At its most benign, nemawashi is simply befriending colleagues and talking with them about the organization. The best way to do this (and this may be universal) is to ask questions rather than make assertions.
Rather than saying, "That Sasaki's a real jerk," ask, "Do you think Sasaki-san hates me?" The other person's reaction will give you clues about what they think of Sasaki. Ask questions and be humble. "I'm never sure if I'm reading situations correctly."
Convey that you care about the organization and want to be useful. Ask for advice even if you don't think you need it. Asking for help is a great way to get someone to feel sympathetic towards. (Just don't become a pest or a burden!) Show interest in your colleagues.
People like to be asked about themselves (as long as the question isn't too personal or too delicate). Where are you from? How long have you lived in Kyoto? Don't go on and on about yourself. (This is universal, isn't it?)
And guess what? It may turn out that Sasaki, who you thought of as a jerk who was trying to undermine you, may actually be supporting you behind the scenes. Sasaki's public reprimand may have been intended to stop you from shooting yourself in the foot.
This literally happened to me early in my career. Some old guy I thought had it in for me was actually helping me in ways I couldn't see. And another old guy I thought had my back was in fact using me as a pawn in his political chess game with the other old guy.
There is a 3-dimensional chess element to human relations in Japan, but I don't think that's unique to Japan. But the rules of the game may be different. A lot of what I'm talking about is just adulting and probably applies anywhere.
But sometimes the guys in charge are just incorrigible jerks, and all the non-jerks are miserable. If that's the conclusion you draw after 1) making some friends in the organization and 2) "getting the lay of the land," then it's time to start looking for a new gig elsewhere.
Young Japanese people today, unlike 20 or 30 years ago, are increasingly willing to quit a toxic workplace. One sure sign that your organization may be toxic is if it has a high turnover. If Japanese people are bailing, maybe you should, too.
Just always keep in mind that maybe you're the asshole, because you are stepping on a lot of toes. Think about what you could change about yourself that would make you more welcome and therefore make you more happy.
If it really looks like the only changes you could make that would satisfy your colleagues are changes that would make you (more) miserable, then regardless of who the asshole is, it may just be a bad fit. But I recommend trying before giving up.
At one point, I almost gave up on my own workplace. But I didn't, and instead I seriously examined myself and my own behavior, found things I could change or improve (counseling was a huge help!), and now everyone is happier and so am I.
