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this fascinates me because like
a. i am proud to be disabled and don't wanna walk really
b. if i could cast a magic spell and make people only perceive the chair after they've gotten to know other parts of me (the chair is a part, note the "other"), i probably would. https://twitter.com/DBoyFajardo/status/1278512515840913410
a. i am proud to be disabled and don't wanna walk really
b. if i could cast a magic spell and make people only perceive the chair after they've gotten to know other parts of me (the chair is a part, note the "other"), i probably would. https://twitter.com/DBoyFajardo/status/1278512515840913410
i rarely talk about this because i want to have able-bodied friends and I try to counteract the idea that knowing disabled people Is Homework but like
those first...two days to six months to ever, depending on the person? Where they just keep coming back to the chair? Exhausting
those first...two days to six months to ever, depending on the person? Where they just keep coming back to the chair? Exhausting
And I'm not saying "try to ignore the chair at first" or "try to talk about it right away". Both of those approaches start with WHAT DO I, PANICKED ABLE BODIED PERSON, SAY OR NOT SAY ABOUT THE CHAIR?
neither of which are "who is this person? What are they like?"
neither of which are "who is this person? What are they like?"
at that point -- for two days, a few weeks, a few months -- we've already lost, because there's this big bullhorn in the able person's head going WHAT DO I SAY OR NOT SAY ABOUT THE CHAIR -- as if a person (a disabled person, mind you, don't erase the chair) isn't even there
like listen: the fact that I was and am and will be in a chair all my life has changed me in lots of ways terrible, wonderful, and neutral. we can't ignore it. no one is asking you to do that.
but....so has my gender? so has reading a ton of comics? so has being a teacher?
but....so has my gender? so has reading a ton of comics? so has being a teacher?
and yet every single new able person I meet except for....I dunno, no more than 12 able people in 24 years.....starts our first conversation as either CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR or OHSHITICAN'TSAYCHAIRI'MSONERVOUSAHHHHHHHHHH
and for some unknown amount of time -- days, weeks, months, forever -- I have to sit their and twiddle my thumbs while the able person just deals with and processes the chair anxiety, so much so that we can't have a normal conversation. it's genuinely exhausting.
cuz like....I just wanna say your shirt is dope? or i wanna say wow I'd never seen Baldwin and Vonnegut put in conversation like that, thank you! or I wanna say you have pretty eyes!
but i can't *do* that until you're personally done going CHAIRCHAIRCHAIR in your brain.
but i can't *do* that until you're personally done going CHAIRCHAIRCHAIR in your brain.
also: it is 100% totally okay -- two able people have done this in my life -- to say "hey, you seem really cool, and we should be able to get along, but like....I'm really scared? About the chair thing? I don't want to be, but I am? Can you help me?"
I get how this conversation is really, really scary as an able person, how saying "you seem great but I am scared of you and I don't know why?" feels humiliating and like I'll hate you forever.
But I *infinitely* prefer it to me having to pretend I don't see you flipping out.
But I *infinitely* prefer it to me having to pretend I don't see you flipping out.
it starts our relationship in an honest, positive place, shows me you know something needs to change, and places trust in me to help you do that.
it tells me you know what the problem is and you think i'm worth overcoming the problem for. that means a lot.
it tells me you know what the problem is and you think i'm worth overcoming the problem for. that means a lot.
