Read on Twitter
A bunch of years ago i did a group exercise that was helpful on the good intentions dialogue.
Basically we were in groups of 3: primary, questioner, observer.
Basically we were in groups of 3: primary, questioner, observer.
The primary would make a statement about why they did something.
"I took a meal to Mrs. Smith's house because she needed food."
The questioner was to ask 7 why questions to see if you could get deeper on motive. They had to create the why questions based on your answers.
"I took a meal to Mrs. Smith's house because she needed food."
The questioner was to ask 7 why questions to see if you could get deeper on motive. They had to create the why questions based on your answers.
The observer observed & only intervened if the conversation became inappropriate or violent. Subjective but good to have someone noting posture, tone, facial expressions, charged words.
"Why did YOU in particular take the meal to Mrs. Smith?"
"Ummm she didn't have anyone else?"
"Why did YOU in particular take the meal to Mrs. Smith?"
"Ummm she didn't have anyone else?"
"Why do you think she didn't have anyone else?"
"She never said that anyone else came around. I dunno it was just sad she lives alone."
"She never said that anyone else came around. I dunno it was just sad she lives alone."
"Why do you think it's sad to live alone?"
"You don't think it's sad?"
"I'm asking you..."
"People shouldn't live alone!"
"You don't think it's sad?"
"I'm asking you..."
"People shouldn't live alone!"
"Why don't you think people shouldn't live alone?"
"It's not the life i want for myself."
"Why should that apply to Mrs. Smith?"
"It's just tragic! What if she dies alone!"
"It's not the life i want for myself."
"Why should that apply to Mrs. Smith?"
"It's just tragic! What if she dies alone!"
"Why are you afraid to die alone?"
"Nobody should die alone, that's why i brought the meal."
"Why would a meal make you feel less like you might die alone?"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID."
"Nobody should die alone, that's why i brought the meal."
"Why would a meal make you feel less like you might die alone?"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID."
And scene. The observer would cut this at 7 questions. Mostly to keep the primary from strangling the questioner because by 7 questions real motives were coming to light that were uncomfortable and people felt exposed.
Then process together and rotate roles. Everybody did all three, no passing.
And what you find is that no matter how clever or virtuous you are, your good intentions are self- serving and often not particularly good...
And what you find is that no matter how clever or virtuous you are, your good intentions are self- serving and often not particularly good...
... or particularly bad for that matter.
So there's no point in protesting that your intentions are good. Just acknowledge that whatever behavior you got called out for is not serving you or someone else well and adapt.
So there's no point in protesting that your intentions are good. Just acknowledge that whatever behavior you got called out for is not serving you or someone else well and adapt.
Because if you dig 7 why questions deep into anything you do, you're going to find stuff that makes you uncomfortable.
