Pride month just ended but here's a reminder that polyamory is a relationship structure, not a sexual identity. To "be polyamorous" describes a consensual agreement between multiple people, not your own personal identity independent of relationships.

I dated and married a man monogamously for many years, until we eventually tried polyamory. I came to the conclusion it wasn't for me, but he told me he *couldn't* go back because he simply "was polyamorous".

If this happens to you, RUN. There is no saving it. I'm sorry but run.

"Actually I NEED multiple people to fawn over me, I could literally never be satisfied in a relationship with just you" is not an identity, it's an admission that you fundamentally do not see your partner as an equal.

Good luck to the next girl(s)

This tweet describes my specific fucked up experience in which my partner did not see me as an equal and used his brand new "polyamorous identity" to shift blame about it. I'm describing the way a person misused the "polyamory" label to harm others.

This isn't a general condemnation of people who practice polyamory or experience feelings for multiple partners. It's a statement about how this "identity" is frequently misunderstood and misused.

The key to polyamory is communication, HONESTY, and integrity. I wholeheartedly believed my partner was ready to give me those things, as we agreed at the beginning. I personally gave that and did not receive it in return. Instead, he used the "polyamory" label to abuse me.

It's great to talk about what polyamory "should be" especially if you're actively engaging in it. Those conversations about consent are paramount. But here I'm talking about the equally real experience of having the arrangement twisted and broken in an incredibly damaging way.

I will clarify my tweets, but this is not a statement about the polyamory community. It's a statement about how the label "polyamory" was misused.