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I remember as a teenager when my peers were discovering sex and I didn't really get it. I had sex for the first time when I was 16 and I didn't feel much of anything about it other than mild dissatisfaction.
I remember as a teenager when my peers were discovering sex and I didn't really get it. I had sex for the first time when I was 16 and I didn't feel much of anything about it other than mild dissatisfaction.
When I was 18 I was in college and I met this guy who became my friend. As far as I thought we were friends, nothing more. My roommates at the time told me that he thinks that we were dating. I freaked out.
I didn't know what to do so I quit talking to him. I recognize that was a shitty thing to do now but that was my reaction at the time. After that my mind went into almost a loop of thought because I was trying to figure out my reaction.
I made friends with a few people from my course, a guy and a girl. The guy was mild mannered and quiet and I was the opposite, very chatty. The girl was very pretty and outgoing.
My guy friend told me at one point that he liked me and I didn't know how to react.
My guy friend told me at one point that he liked me and I didn't know how to react.
I told him I appreciate that and I liked him but I was figuring out some things about myself. He was awesome and supportive. Not long after that I realized I wasn't attracted to him, or any guy at all. I came out to him first and he was and still is an amazing friend.
At the same time my girl friend was being very flirty and suggestive with me and I had no idea how to respond to it at the time. I asked her if she was a lesbian but she said no so I dropped it but later on she admitted she was bi and I admitted I was gay.
Since then I've always considered myself a lesbian or gay. Over the last few years recently I've come to realize my demisexuality and demiromanticism and I wish I would have known that those feelings were also valid.
I thought I had to be like everyone else. I didn't understand ppl having hook ups or one night stands at all and I thought it was me that was wrong somehow. In my 20's I tried it and it was uncomfortable to say the least.
I realize now that I rarely connect with someone on the level where I would want to have a physical relationship with someone. Now I consider myself demi both sexually and romantically but also homosexual and homo romantic.
All I know is that I am good with being alone. My sex drive is low unless I am with someone who I absolutely adore. I have no interest in casual relationships or hookups. I have almost no interest in being in a relationship with someone else at this point.
Anyway it all has been very confusing for me. I still remember when I heard the term demisexual for the first time and I thought, "Isn't everyone like that?!" Answer: Nope! It's been an interesting journey that's for sure.
I just wish I'd have had the confidence at a younger age to accept myself for who I am and truly understand myself. I wish I'd have been more kind to myself throughout my life while working to figure it all out. Be kind to yourself you guys. It will all work out in the end. 
