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I thought I’d just quickly start with why I think I may have #ADHD. I’m keeping this separate from my main account for now as it might be a bit hard to explain to family and work colleagues without a diagnosis. I hope one day I can talk about it openly there too.
So back in 2018 the BBC was running a series of articles about disability. I usually skim read through the news on my lunch breaks and came across “The night out which ended unexpectedly” -> https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-45084564
I started reading... “I have always been a space cadet. Someone whose head is in the clouds, constantly late and covered in bruises from bumping into stuff.” - This was incredibly familiar. My friends and family all call me space cadet... I’m always running late....
I carried on reading - the first paragraph was probably a coincidence. “I'm fantastic at picking birthday presents and giving them to you two months late,” ... yup been there far too often.
“Secondary school was easy, .... But I struggled at university where you have to be self-motivated and disciplined, read what you're given and hand things in on time.” - That basically just described what happened when I went to uni....
“I'm not disciplined at all. I have no control and I couldn't understand how other students managed it.” - I hear you, I felt that way too. I almost failed my final year because I lost interest in the course.
“I'd stay up watching YouTube” - that or video games... “I constantly forgot to wash my clothes, and when I did remember, I forgot to dry them.” Um... I hate to admit it but that’s me at uni too.
“She carefully dodged the dirty clothes on the floor and the pile of pizza boxes. “ - she just described my uni room...
I read all the way down to the bottom and then read “Women are, apparently, under-diagnosed with ADHD, because they appear quiet - often in their own world.” - all my teachers and my year book describe me this way.
I was a bit dumbfounded after reading it but after awhile I started to convince myself. I was probably reading too much into it. Maybe it was just a coincidence. I shouldn’t self diagnose and I went back to work...
I headed home came through the door to my fiancé (now husband) who promptly said : “Hey you know the BBC have been writing those disability articles - I read one today and it just described you.”
Me : fuuuuuck.....
Me : fuuuuuck.....
So I spent a lot of time reading up on it. Things started to make sense both to me and my fiancé. Turned out there were loads of things I was doing that were driving him nuts that I didn’t realise I was doing....
I would forget to do the washing up. I’d say I would do something and promptly forget. It was like waking up. I’d been completely oblivious to these things but I suddenly started seeing the pattern. I started to wonder about all the friendships I struggled to keep.
Initially it threw me into a deep depression. I had always felt broken, having a potential answer made me confront where I was failing and I felt lost. I found myself walking during a lunch break in tears and I knew I needed to do something.
- Sheesh writing this now when I’m past this point still makes me feel teary! -
I called the doctors and made an appointment. The soonest I could get was in 2 weeks.
By the time the appointment came around I wasn’t quite as depressed but I was nervous as hell. Words don’t come easily to me and trying to fit everything I needed to say in the 10 mins you get was nightmarish.
I came right out and said that I thought I had ADHD and wanted a referral. I’d done a wee bit of research by that point and knew a doctor couldn’t diagnose me and I needed a referral.
I knew from what I read that it could be hard to get one as an adult and unfortunately this is what happened to me. He immediately asked “Do you have a job?”
“Yes”
“Do you have a degree?”
“Yes”
“You can’t have ADHD.”
“Yes”
“Do you have a degree?”
“Yes”
“You can’t have ADHD.”
“But I almost failed my degree” - it felt horrible to say. “My fiancé also thinks I may have it.”
He then started insinuating that maybe my fiance had made me come and I regretted mentioning it. Finally he agreed to write a letter. Phew - then I made a mistake that I regret...
He then started insinuating that maybe my fiance had made me come and I regretted mentioning it. Finally he agreed to write a letter. Phew - then I made a mistake that I regret...
I mentioned I’d been struggling with depression and asked if there was any support if I felt that way again. He immediately jumped on that - said I had anxiety and prescribed anti-depressants. I left believing he would still write the referral. He had said it could take 9 months
I waited... and waited. I did more research. The referral never came. It is now a year and half later and I still think I may have #ADHD. I’m planning on trying again with a different doctor.
