I think one of biggest hurdles of the #metoo movement is that 95% of the time women will believe allegations. We all understand the prevalence & challenges but there's that 5% where people struggle. I can only relate it to if someone made an allegation against my partner

..or celeb wise someone like Keanu Reeves I think my first reaction would be "are you sure?" which isn't great. I think when our perceptions of people we know and love are challenged it's easier to see issues with the allegations themselves.

The other biggest hurdle is understanding of trauma and why people mix up details or straight up lie about details in the assault. I've been ruminating about this a lot because when the assault happened to me at age 6 there were several things I wasn't honest about.

I know people will say "you were only 6" true but if at the early age I was aware enough of how what I said would be received imagine the affect of that social conditioning by the time you're a teenager or an adult.

What happened was I was waiting for my mum & her friend on the corner of our street as she came back from the shops A man started talking to me, told me about his son, said he was trying to find him & if I helped he'd give me roller blades (which he earlier ascertained I wanted)

I went willingly with him across the street, walking beside him. What I told my mum "the man pulled me by my arm across the street". Why did I lie? I think mostly shame, an awareness I should've known better.

When we were across the street we went to a park where the man said he needed to pee & asked if I could watch if anyone was coming. I did. He then did the same thing, came up to me on the street & asked if I wanted to shake his penis. I did. He then asked if I was scared

I nodded & he said I could go. I ran back across the street & saw my mum & her friend. I didn't say anything until we were back home & my mum's friend had left. When I recounted the story I left out the bit about touching the man's penis. I only said about the peeing thing

I also think I said I ran away rather than being given permission to leave. The way i told it everything happened within a few minutes when in reality it would've been 10 - 15 mins at least. I consciously lied by omission. Again I think it was rooted in shame.

I felt at fault because I was asked to do something & said yes. I still feel guilty even though I have the knowledge that I was only 6. I struggle seeing it as serious as it was since I wasn't touched. I also have a weird sense of gratefulness because the guy saw I was scared...

..and let me go because I was scared. I've never felt angry at him. I've never thought about trying to do anything about it. After I told my mum what happened my dad went looking for him to no avail. I guess they didn't go to the police since I didn't have a great description..

..nor do they have all the details so they didn't know it was AS serious as it was. When a man asked me to get in his car at age 10 & I ran to tell my mum, she chased after the car, got the number plate & we went to the police. They said they'd go talk to him. That was it

Might've been age 11 or 12 actually. It's weird the more I delve into these experiences in some ways the blurrier some of the details get. I used to have them in my memories as simply events that happened but the more I start to feel emotion about them the more I feel confused.

Jeez, even re-reading this I realise I messed up. I didn't say yes verbally when I was asked if I wanted to touch him but he asked me to touch him and I did so in my mind I process that as saying yes.