What was it like growing up with two mums in the 1990s?

As Pride month closes, I want to share some reflections by way of saying what I hope is different for kids of LGBTQ+ parents these days - including what we can all do to help make sure of this.

#LoveIsLove #Pride

I grew up with two mums from when I was 11. Before, I had years of living with my mum & dad. There were a lot of issues at home and I won’t go into these. What I will say though is that it wasn’t easy.

After my parents’ marriage broke down, my mum fell in love with a woman. In the mid ‘90s there was a lot of discussion in the media, on TV etc about being LGBTQ+, & a lot of it was bigoted. I heard all this and it was tough as it didn’t tally with my life.

Living with my two mums was the happiest and most stable part of my upbringing. And yet in the ‘90s, I knew the parents of other kids gossiped about my family. I was scared to tell classmates in case they bullied me. Occasionally they did, & called me names.

It’s not surprising really; this was a time when being LGBTQ+ wasn’t part of the curriculum. A lot of public narrative was about kids needing mum & dad to turn out alright. LGBTQ+ characters were only just seen to kiss on TV & there was uproar. I found this hard and confusing.

I was confused because all this ran against what I felt and knew of my family & my two mums. I relished feeling secure, loved and wanted. I had everything I needed from two loving parents - they just both happened to have XX chromosomes.

But we found ways to mark our family; changing traditions so they fit us. Father’s Day became the day for my other mother, and she gave me away at my wedding (I’ll never forget asking her; it made my heart soar & she said it was the honour of her life )

So why am I telling you this? Because whilst progess has been made - & not by magic, a lot work has gone into shifting perceptions - there’s more to do & we all have a role in ensuring that families of all shapes & sizes are accepted, inc parents & kids in LGBTQ+ families.

And whilst I‘m a private person, it’s more important for me to be an ally & advocate for LGBTQ+ parents & what wonderful families they can create. It was my brave, strong & thoughtful mums that made me the open-minded & open-hearted person I hope I am today.

Love & care from a parent or parents is what is important in families, not gender & sexuality. And when I say ‘parents’, I mean caregivers. They may be biological or those amazing people who formally informally or adopt kids. Like my second mum.

So what can you do? Know words & actions are powerful. We must proactively talk to kids about what shapes & sizes families can come in- so that not only will they feel free to be whoever they are, but they will readily accept other kids too, like the kid I was back in the ‘90s.

And I mean proactively - don’t think that by simply not being someone who says bad or judgemental stuff is enough. Build the understanding of kids, and start talking to them from when they’re little so they know about families of other shapes & sizes from the outset.

And educate yourself if you need to. Check your own behaviour in actively being an ally. Please don’t gossip if a differently-shaped family shows up - show them support and acceptance instead

Finally, if you are kid in an LGBTQ+ family reading this, I hope things are different for you than they were for me in the ‘90s & that, like me, the love in your family gives you the strength to overcome anyone who treats you differently.

And either way, I’m your ally