Alright y'all, I'm about to make a thread on how to avoid either making someone uncomfortable, avoiding seeming like a predator or someone practicing sexual harassment, or handling someone feeling uncomfortable with you.

So here's my "guide" I suppose. #MeToo

So a lot of people (men specifically in a reaction to the MeToo movement) either state that they're "walking on eggshells" because it seems like everything they do can be deemed as predatory or that they don't know what would make someone uncomfortable or not.

Which I understand what they mean, since although they're rare, false accusations DO happen, usually as an act of revenge or to try and defame someone, but you have to keep in mind that your view of harassment may be different than someone else's, and what you might deem as-

"not a big deal" can be a big deal for someone else. Sometimes, I myself question why certain people who claim someone harassed them think it was harassment, as the way they were harassed seems like a small deal to me, but in the grand scheme of things, what's more important?

Trying to police other people's boundaries, or avoiding stepping in them in general? Just because you don't agree with other people's boundaries, it doesn't give you the right to overstep them. It can suck, but you can either stop talking to them or adjust to their boundaries.

No one needs to change or adjust THEIR boundaries in order to please you.

So here's a list of ways that I practice as a man entering the workforce/social atmosphere that I avoid making people uncomfortable.

1. If you don't know them well, don't treat them like you know them well. Whenever I'm working or am in a social setting that's formal, why get up all close and personal in a professional setting? Whenever I need to talk to someone professionally, it's always about-

something related to the setting. If I'm ordering food and waiting for it to be finished, and I NEED to talk to another customer about something, it'll always be about the setting (ex: Do you know where the restrooms are, excuse me <kindly asking them to move>)

Because these are people you don't know well, and didn't come to work or didn't go to a Chick-Fil-A to be approached by strangers, and most likely, neither did you. If you want a date, either go to a bar or sign up with Tinder. This is a Wendy's goddammit.

2. If you need to get someone's attention, avoid any physical contact in general, even avoiding tapping someone on the shoulder if possible (when you tap someone on the shoulder, they could potentially be startled if they're distracted). Every time you need someone's attention,

ALWAYS try to express it vocally. Make your voice clear or say their name to get their attention. If they have any earbuds/headphones on, give them a wave so they know you need their attention. If neither of those work, THEN you can try shoulder tapping, but

if it comes down to shoulder tapping, make sure they aren't in a position where they could get easily startled/distracted (ex: standing on a ladder at work, carrying something heavy, moving around rapidly). Aside from the risk of accidentally tapping a private spot,

not only would it make someone uncomfortable, but if someone gets injured or falls off a ladder, you'd be a complete asshole, so only shoulder tap as a last resort.

3. Be friendly and approachable. Smile, be kind, and be supportive, but make it genuine. The most comfortable people I've met in these settings are people who are professional and empathetic. You both know you're working at a company to support yourselves, you both know

you're waiting in line for that goddamn chicken sandwich that is taking forever to make because there's like no employees working that day (very specific situation, but happens to me way too much lmao). No matter what you're there for, be approachable and make people's lives

easier. Seriously, so many people who work for so long to get paid so little already have enough on their plate, don't add onto it. Making people uncomfortable is the last thing you want to do, as it is the last thing you want, so try and make them feel comfortable.

4. So what if you want to get to know them better? One word: gradually. If you want to know someone better, don't just jump the gun and being all close and personal with them from the getgo, that has never been, in the history of mutual relationships, how to know someone better.

If you believe you can be closer to someone than just a coworker, talk to them about your interests, hobbies, how their day is going, and let that relationship develop overtime. If you become close enough to them, maybe plan to go somewhere for fun.

No one in the history of mutual relationships has ever said "lol I met my best friend/partner when they approached me randomly in public." Don't expect to get close to people this way.

5. So what if you accidentally made someone uncomfortable? What if they interpreted something the wrong way?

Apologize. Let them know you didn't mean to make them uncomfortable.

But make that apology short and sweet, swallow your pride. Here's how NOT to apologize:

Do NOT "apologize" in a manner that paints YOU as the victim for overstepping THEIR boundaries or gaslight someone for knowing their boundaries. Do NOT complain about someone else's boundaries not being ideal to YOU. Just apologize profusely, and move on. Some people

have no idea how simple that is. Sure, you might feel bad about it and you may not have the same boundaries as them, but that doesn't make it okay to shame their boundaries. EVERYONE has different boundaries, and that needs to be respected. There are no ideal boundaries.

Put aside what you deem as ideal boundaries and make sure to not overstep someone else's boundaries. Trust me, it's way easier and MUCH more respectful.

To conclude this thread, it is appalling to me how many people need to hear this message, how many victims have to face trauma because people can't keep their hands to themselves, and how defensive they become when people know their boundaries. What if it was you on the

other side? What if someone overstepped your boundaries?

Please be considerate. It's easy to do and it's the right thing to do. If you can't be considerate, then stay away from people until you can. No one should have to live in fear of unwanted advances. Thanks for reading.