Thread by @screelpoke, The more that people reach out to me and identify Blair athletics, [...]

The more that people reach out to me and identify Blair athletics, and the Blair baseball team in particular, as a source of toxic and abusive behavior (including assault and rape), the angrier I get. (1/21)

Last story about Blair baseball from me (for now). In my junior year, somebody I was close to shared naked pictures of me that I had sent in confidence with his baseball teammates. It wasn't the Blair team, but he was a former Blair baseball player. (2/21)

I had to find out from other people that this happened. I can still remember the flood of shame that I felt, hot and heavy and sick to my stomach, when I got the text: "X showed naked pictures of you to the baseball team." (3/21)

At the time, I was angry, but I also let it go pretty quickly. I didn't cut ties with the person. At the time, it just seemed par for the course. By that age, I was just so desensitized. To echo the words of another survivor, I no longer believed that my body - (4/21)

was my own. Instead, it belonged to boys and men. It was theirs to stare it, to comment on, to grab without my consent, to rank like a car or a movie or a sandwich. It was theirs to laugh about, to share pictures of, and in one case, to rape. (5/21)

I've lived with the trauma that I endured throughout my time at Blair (and Eastern Middle School) for years. I will live with it for the rest of my life. (6/21)

I've lost years of my life, years that should've been spent thriving in college, making new friends, building an independent life for myself. Instead, I was trapped by life-threatening alcoholism and depression. (7/21)

Everyday, I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror, and I am confronted by the scars that cover my body. Scars that I put there while I was a student at Blair High School.
(8/21)

They've faded a little bit, but not really. I still sometimes see people staring at them.

(9/21)

Summer was my favorite season growing up. Now I dread it. Swimsuits, shorts, tank tops - none of them hide the scars that cover my arms, legs, and stomach.

(10/21)

I'm currently spending thousands of dollars that I don't really have to spare on painful procedures in the hopes that they will reduce the appearance of those scars. My parents spent even more money on treatment for me. (11/21)

They did all they could for me, along with my therapist. But there was only so much they could do when I was spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, being steeped in a toxic culture that didn't just overlook rape, misogyny, racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, (12/21)

and more, it actively encouraged and facilitated it. I hold teachers, and Richard Porac in particular, directly responsible for teaching their young students that that kind of behavior was acceptable, and even encouraging it. (13/21)

I lost years of my life to MBHS, but at least I'm still here. Others aren't. Simon Miranda and Paris Essoumba, a young Latino boy and a young black boy respectively, both died by suicide during my time at Blair High School. (14/21)

My memories of this time are fuzzy, but I recall that Simon was a member of the LGBTQIA community, and was bullied as a result of that. It's hard to know, though, since Silver Chips Online features no mention of him or his death in their archives. (15/21)

I am also sure that the toxic culture of racism at Blair also harmed both him and Paris, as it did so many others. I will address that issue in a separate thread, hopefully later today, as it is absolutely significant enough to merit its own statement. (16/21)

To say that the past few days have been difficult would be a massive understatement. My body feels like it's run a marathon. I burst into tears randomly. But I have to do something. I have to act.

I don't want anybody else to endure what I and so many others did. (17/21)

I am so endlessly inspired by the bravery shown by my fellow survivors. My heart goes out to those who aren't ready to share their stories yet. I'm also energized by all of the support that others have shown. (18/21)

I'm excited to continue working on an open and collaborative letter to Renay Johnson and the MBHS administration, and will continue to publish information regarding that effort as it develops. (19/21)

A few days ago, a friend quoted Anne Carson's Antigonick to me:

"Forbid that you should ever lose your screams." (20/21)

Well, this is it. I'm screaming. We are all screaming.

(21/21)

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